#also me: repeatedly dreams of reaching out to them and becoming friends again

[stardust-make-a-wish]

.💭

[katakaluptastrophy]

Continuing to think about the horror of what happens to John, and the horrors of love...

When Alecto has first been created, she says to him "I picked you to change, and this is how you repay me?" and "What have you done to me?"

They're heartbreaking questions she has every right to ask, but there's something awful and ironic about them too. Because John also might have asked "what have you done to me?"

It's easy to get distracted by the cartoonish awfulness of John's own narration: "talk about police abuse", "come on, love. Guys as careful as me don't have accidents," "love a working tram system." But all of these comments come after moments where John has unwittingly come into proximity with violent death, an experience he repeatedly likens to having drugs forcibly injected into him; an omniscient, dream-like, out of body experience that seems to propel him forward through his basest impulses. The first time this happens, he's brought back from "the verge of something insane" by being shaken violently by P-. Lines like these aren't revealing John's diabolical plotting. They're a man who would rather own atrocities as premeditated than admit that he was losing his grip.

The second is when he encounters the soul of the earth. His human mind makes contact with the incoherent, furious soul of a planet. In any other context, this would be straightforwardly Lovecraftian. And everything he describes after that is full of elipses, jumbled, and detached. His friends are shot by gun-toting cultists and he says it was like a dream.

Hearing the earth screaming, feeling his friends' deaths under his skin like a drug, he might well have asked "what have you done to me?"

Alecto said to him, "I picked you to change, and this is how you repay me?" But as everything collapses, John says:

"I thought you were going to take me, somehow. Purge me. Use me as an instrument. But you didn't say anything...I was babbling, Show me. Come on. I'm ready. You kept screaming and screaming..."

John has spent months becoming something terrifying, an entity with yellow eyes and uncanny powers. He's discovered that death has an overwhelming impact on him that he cannot fully control. Everyone was relying on him to do something. And he did so many things: well-meaning things and stupid things and things that were lashing out in rage and frustration. Hundreds of people have died because of him. His friends have died because of him. Surely, surely there was a point to this. Surely there was meaning. Surely whatever did this to him, made him into this, had a greater plan.

But there is no plan. There is no great revelation. He tries to hurt the earth, to provoke some kind of answer, but the screaming continues. And when P dies, the person who snapped him out of it the last time, John lets go and the whole world dies.

John is kneeling on the grass vomiting up dirt and tearing out his own ribs, saying "there was still too much of me that was just a human being...", trying to swallow the soul of the earth. And by the end, the one shred he has to hold onto is a memory of playing with a doll as a child. That, and his anger...

The earth tried to reach out in the only way it could, amidst its incoherent suffering. And John tried to use the abilities it gave him, but he was only human. Fallible and proud and angry.

She said, "I still love you." And the horror; the horror of love, the horror of this story, is that to begin with they did this to each other.

To be clear: I don't mean to diminish the awfulness or the very specific forms that John's violence against Alecto takes, and continues to take across the story. I don't mean to excuse his own self-mythologisation. I certainly don't think he's blameless for the decisions he made and the agenda he pursued. But if there's one thing that happens over and over again in TLT, it's that the horror of love is not a one-way street.

And I wonder, in light of what we now know about the permeability of the soul, quite where John ends and Alecto begins. And when that blurring began...

[apomaro-mellow]

Hospitals still weren't Eddie most favorite place to be, even though they had technically saved his life once. He didn't give doctors the credit though. No, he reserved that praise for his husband who had literally carried him through hell, holding his guts together.

But alas, he was still only human. And thus prone to human ailments. Which was why he was currently in a hospital bed, preparing for a tonsillectomy.

"Steve, my love, my muse", Eddie took his hand and kissed it. "Should I not return from this-"

"Oh shut up. It's a routine operation." Steve could tell he was being dramatic to cover up the fact that he was actually scared. "You'll be fine. In fact, I'm going down to the cafeteria right now. You're not getting just any ice cream. I'm gonna bring you back a whole sundae."

Steve looked to the rest of the band, who had come for moral support. "Watch him please. And don't let him fall to hysterics." He left out, really hoping he wouldn't come back to an Eddie in tears.

"Sooo", Grant started. "If you don't make it, who gets your house?"

Eddie's brow furrowed. "Uh, my husband, duh?"

"Okay, who gets your husband?", Gareth asked.

Eddie saw the cavalry arrive in the form of Steve's true soulmate. "Robiiiiin", he whined. "You have to protect Steve from these vultures", he hissed the last word.

"We're just trying to hash out who has dibs on Eddie's hot husband", Jeff said.

Robin pointed to herself. "I made it clear to Eddie when he proposed that should the marriage end, either naturally or by divorce, custody of Steve would revert back to me."

"Not exactly the answer I was looking for Bucks, but as long as you keep Steve out of another man's clutches, I won't haunt you from the grave."

"Actually, I plan on setting him up with the first wealthy guy he meets", Robin said. "Thanks to your fame, I've become accustomed to a certain lifestyle. And also, Steve doesn't know how to be single."

The other CC boys nodded sagely.

"All the more reason one of us should get him. We can take care of him", Grant said.

"I can't believe this. This is a goddamn coup!", Eddie shouted.

Steve returned, none the wiser to their conversation. "You won't believe this. The cafeteria has chocolate syrup AND nuts? Isn't that wild? You're gonna have the best sundae of your life, babe."

He took his seat right next to Eddie's bedside and kissed his forehead.

"Angel, we're surrounded by snakes and thieves", Eddie said deliriously.

"What are you talking about?", Steve asked.

Having only Eddie in his line of sight, he couldn't see the others behind him. So he didn't see Jeff making kissy faces, Gareth making a circle with his hand and sticking a finger through it repeatedly, or Grant making a V with his fingers and flapping his tongue between them.

"Those traitorous lechers covet what is mine. And not even Robin seeks to protect your virtue!", Eddie said, desperately reaching out for Steve.

Steve kept his voice even and calm, trying to soothe his husband from whatever delusion he was having when the doctor came in. This guy looked like he played a doctor on tv. Chiseled jaw with perfectly manicured facial hair.

"Good evening", he greeted.

"Hi", Steve said, voice a little breathy.

"Oh he's perfect", Robin said, reading her friend perfectly.

"I'm Dr. Morip, I'll be performing your operation today."

"Morip?", Eddie tilted his head.

"Yes, as in 'more ripped than you'." Then he flexed and busted out of his scrubs and swept Steve off his feet, ignoring the cries of the invalid on the bed.

Eddie was tossing and turning even as Steve shook his shoulders to wake him up.

"You were having a nightmare", Steve spoke softly in the dim lamp light of the hospital room. "Was it 86 again?"

"Steve!", Eddie clung to him as best as he could. "You didn't leave me for Dr. Morip!"

"Dr. Morip? Eddie, her name is Dr. Hudson. And she's married and in her sixties."

Everything caught up with Eddie as his brain became more lucid. He'd already had the operation. That had all been a dream. The tension released instantly as he realized he wasn't about to die on the table and Steve would be scooped up by opportunistic friends.

"You're mine, you know that?"

"Really? Is that why I'm hand-feeding you ice cream?", Steve teased, holding up a spoonful to Eddie's lips.

"I love you", Eddie said, voice muffled from the food and a little watery too.

"I know, you dope. Love you too."

[rayroseu]

THE MAJESTIC EXCELLENCY HERSELF 😍😍😍😍💚💚💚💚 also maybe its just me but is it a reach to hope that an ACTUAL Disney villain can cameo in TWST?? 😆 You know like how Mickey randomly appears before us akjdkss

Also i find it interesting how Yuu immediately got up to go to the Maleficent Statue after concluding the dream as "Maleficent is being left out..." She reminded him of One Guy lol 😭 Also Yuu lore crumbs that theyre finally catching up that their dreams is related to the next overblot lol

ALSO AAAAAHHH SEBEKKKK 💚💚💚✨✨✨ I missed hearing his "human!!" FULLY VOICED✨✨✨ Haruki Ishiya san... thank you 😭💚💚💚

I love his attitude change LMFAO and Silver being the polite person he is insisting Sebek to apologize and Sebek just doesnt lol... SOBS... Also agree with Grim lol Diasomnia literally the most dramatic dorm lol

Also I find it so funny that "Malleus evil smile" expression is his Happiest Expression LMFOAOAOA He's thoroughly AMUSED by Yuu calling him Hornton in front of Sebek (of all people) without hesitance 😭😭

Ohhh Malleus loves chaos alright ✅✅✅💥💥 and his family and friends getting along...😭😭💕💕💕

Also the part where the npcs talked about him broke my heart aughh...

He's just talking with his classmates and everyone is already whispering how "he shouldn't be in this school he's going to curse everyone" (OKAY maybe theyre going to be right about that in a few more updates butksjdjs) But aaa knowing the fact he has superb hearing skills.... I like to imagine he's hearing these rumors while talking to Yuu and the knights but he's just ignoring the rumors since there's a few peopke who are treating him like a normal person right now 😭😭

I LOVE HOW THIS IMPLIES LILIA RELIES ON SILVER THE MOST TOO!!! He couldve asked Sebek or Malleus since theyre the people with no sleep problems... but nooo he insisted on Silver waking him up!! AUDGAUHS I thought he's a general who focuses on efficiency... 😭😭 He just wants Silver to wake him up... i know you lilia 🔍🔍🔍🤨🤨

I am in good pain... considering!! in Book 7!! Lilia repeatedly appears to be a reliance for Silver whenever he feels hopeless... I CANT. Lilia is just like more lowkey about how much he actually relies on his son 😭😭💚💚

ROOK BEING IN THE RUINS TOO IS SO FUNNY LFMAOOO THATS ONE OF MALLEUS' TOP INTERSHIP LIST??? ITS LILIA'S P.E VIGNETTE ALL OVER AGAIN LMFOAOAA HE'S GONNA HARASS MALLEUS DOWN IF THEYRE COWORKERS AHFHAHDHA

Imagine them in the ruins and finally Malleus has someone who is enthusiastic about ""boring facts about Gargoyles and Abandoned Ruins"" but its just... got to be THIS GUY Rook Hunt... who once tried to playfully harm Lilia lol

Malleus and Rook Duo is actually so funny though ��😂 It still cracks me up that Malleus was once invited on Rooks Bday but he didnt attend cuz he's annoying to him and most notably Rook is not even hostile to him??? He just didnt attend bcs he hates his guts omg😭😭💥💥

This fact is so weird to me... What do you mean that some teeth just becomes an automatic RADIO under the right conditions????😭 Is this a foreshadow to Zigvolts Dentistry??? 😳⚡💚✨✨✨

Can a fae teeth play Elvis Presley just by opening their mouths...?? You know like Stitch acting as a phonograph... 😂

But I doubt??? They have radio towers at Briar Valley so it probably doesnt happen????? But It'd be pretty funny if Briar Valley radio just play bardcore music and one poor fae was "cursed" to have "magical radio teeth" playing bardcore everytime lol

My first thought was "Sebek!!!!✨✨✨" here actually 😭💚 Since he's the only freshman we're missing rn...

But I was surprised Yuu thought of Malleus??? That just further implies Yuu recognizes him as a friend that'll help them too 😭😭😭

Its just precious to think that someone finds Malleus reliable, he'll be so happy to assist Yuu if they're having trouble with anything just like how he enthusiastically offered to explain more about the Thorn Fairy since Yuu is curious about it...😭💖💞💖💗💕 I love them to BITS OMFG...

(I'm sad that Yuu is going home too but I'm ignoring that lol🚶‍♀️🚶‍♀️ Yuu is a self insert theyre supposed to speak MY language of staying with Mal-)

Its devastating that the freshmen are so hyped up to be working together THEY ARE NOT PROCESSING THE IMPLICATIONS OF YUU GOING HOME... 💔😂 if Yuu truly goes home, theres no reason for them to be gathering like this on the cafeteria anymore... 😭😭💔💔 Making myself sad that they'll buy an extra plate for them during lunch break and not even Grim touches that food... just to honor their friend😭😭😭

Wait so we know that the first night in "sleepover to discover Mickey" consists of Deuce and Ace as Grim and Yuu's companion...

Maybe the next nights (without Malleus' overblot interupption) consisted of Epel and Jack, and then possibly Ortho and Malleus??? (since Ortho is the one who suggested that therell be a fae)

Oh but Im going to cry if at Book 7's ending consisted of Yuu inviting Malleus for a sleepover at Ramshackle despite what happened... 😭😭😭 and and like the stars aligning appears once again but this time he's not at ruined Ramshackle missing his friend... He's at a peaceful sleepover with a friend group auGh... 😭😭😭💖💕💞💗💞💗

[layingeggs]

Playing Grey Area. Lots to write home about I think.

I enjoyed the art. I enjoyed how elaborate and much more subtly sinister the difficulty select friend is than all the enemy characters in the game.

I enjoy the kiddiness of it.

The movement and controls are wonderful to mess around with. It's lovely to just repeatedly sit.

I hope I'm not about to reveal my dreadful ignorance but I really enjoy that it's a precision platformer without wall jumps or double jumps. If there is a wall jump or a double jump that I've missed, then oopsie! But if I understand correctly, then the game has a jump and a dive. All other movement is momentum based I think.

Technically, a dive can function as a wall jump if you dive into the wall and momentum bounce of it. And it can count as a double jump if you use it to gain more distance in your jump. But I consider single jump and dive to be distinct. Particularly because you only get one dive per jump and bouncing off walls doesn't reset it. In my opinion, a precision platformer with wall jumps is usually one that also has wall grip and the ability to scale walls infinitely by repeatedly wall jumping. Maybe hampered by the wall being littered with hazards or by your turn speed from a wall jump being too slow to reach the same wall again. Grey Area's dive isn't quite like that so I consider it different.

Something that really stands out to me though, is the two different styles of gameplay used for I guess you could call them the levels and the overworld.

It's a game about a kid sleeping and dreaming I think. The main game seems to be the dreams. And the 'overworld' is when you're awake. (I don't know, maybe there's more main game in the waking world! Maybe there's dreams within dreams! I only played for about an hour before I wanted to get some thoughts down. Will play more. Maybe will see more layers of dreams.)

But what I saw, was the sidescrolling precision platforming in the dreams, then you wake up and the protag is in her house. It becomes a top down view.

Hold on, let me look up, yeh girly's name is Hailey.

Yeh so, you wake up in Hailey's house, right? And I don't know, there's something about this particular part of the game. The switch from sidescroller to top down, right?

But it's the same because you're still the same Hailey and the game still uses the same sprites, but it's not the same because she faces different directions for moving up and down, but it's the same because she still jumps but it's not the same because there's not the dive and the momentum anymore.

And I don't know. There's something that really speaks to me here about a child dreaming about her idealised sense of movement through the world.

In her day to day life, she's jumping around everywhere, she jumps on counters and jumps on the family car and she jumps everywhere. And it's like she's dreaming the imagined adventures as projected from the running around the house.

Did you ever hide as a kid? Not hiding from people, but that too, but like hiding for play. Like under furniture. Inside cupboards. Inside laundry hampers. Inside bushes.

I did this. And I imagined this as sprawling fantasy adventures. I thought of dragons living in the caverns of these spaces.

I remember being a kid and hearing that Miyamato based his work on the Zelda games partly on his childhood memory of running around and exploring his grandparents house. I remember reading that in a magazine and thinking yes, that's exactly right. I know just what you mean my man. The laundry hamper is the dungeon. I am glad that we are on the same page.

I feel that with Hailey living a peaceful chill top down life and running and jumping everywhere, and then dreaming the fantasy. That cool trick jump you did off the sofa? That was really cool and graceful and dexterous? It is now mandatory and if you fall then you have to talk to a stranger or have a doctor's visit.

Looking forward to playing more. I heartily recommend others check it out.

[miyuhpapayuh]

18. Doghouse

Harshly gasping, Stevie sits up in her bed and blinks rapidly, trying to get her vision to steady on the darkness that five in the morning provides her bedroom.

Her peaceful sleep had been interrupted with yet another nightmare, starring her and the scary, dread-head that keeps following her around.

"Vie, what's wrong?" Rod comes back into the room and sits on the end of the bed, reaching out to caress her leg through the covers.

"I had a bad dream, again." She sighs, rubbing the back of her neck. Her wavering voice makes his jaw clench.

"Here's what ima do, okay?” he crawls back into the bed and pulls her against his chest, "when I drop you off, today, I'm gonna wait around for him. You let me know when he comes in and I'll go from there."

"Okay." She sighs, feeling herself relax to the sound of his heartbeat. She wraps her arm tighter around him, causing him to do the same.

"Go back to sleep, baby. I'm right here."

Last week was the beginning of Stevie's nightmares. The scariest part about them is the fact that they never give much detail to his face, but the tattoos that litter his knuckles and that skin-crawling smirk to make her wanna peel his skin back, if she had enough nerve to do so.

She mentioned him to Rod and of course, he offered to be there for her in the nighttime, so that she could be well rested and comfortable, since sleeping alone had become almost nonexistent for them, anyway.

"You alright? Tell the truth." He asks, resting his arm on the back of the passenger seat.

"No." Her salty tears make their presence known as they cascade down her flushed face. "I'm scared."

He wipes away each tear that falls, cupping her face in the process. "Hey, look at me..." her sad eyes flicker up to his, making his heart crack even further.

"I'm gonna take care of it, alright? I got you." He kisses her lips, repeatedly.

"Can I tell you something?" He asks, pulling away.

"Yeah."

"I'm kinda relieved that you're not pregnant. Right now doesn't seem like the best time to bring a kid into the world." This makes her chuckle.

"You're telling me," she grabs her bag off the floor and opens the door, stepping out and onto the pavement, casually strolling towards the door.

She glances over her shoulder to see Rod walking behind her. She heads inside and heads straight to the back where she runs into Claire.

"Can we talk?"

"Of course.," Claire leads her into the spacious office and closes the door behind herself. "What's up?"

"I think I'm being followed. There's this guy that frequently comes in just to mess with me— I even ran into him at the mall— and I've been having these nightmares that he's coming for me." Claire frowns as she stares at Stevie's shaky frame.

"This isn't something that we take lightly, so I've got your back. I'll handle it, okay?"

"Thanks, Claire." Stevie stands up and gives her a hug, sighing into her shoulder.

"You're a good friend." Claire perks up at the word, softly rubbing Stevie's back.

"We're friends?" Stevie pulls away and smiles.

"Of course! I thought you knew that."

"I mean, I kinda figured but we've never hung out or anything, so I didn't think you thought of me as anything more than just a cool boss."

"You are a cool boss.... who's also my really cool friend." She pokes her arm.

"Well, you learn something new, every day. Now, come on, friend."

They head out to the front, where Stevie grabs her apron and puts it on, scanning the place as her eyes land on Rod sitting at the table by the window.

He keeps his eyes on her, giving her a sweet smile. She returns it and starts helping the small cluster of customers, with the help of Claire.

Soon enough, the man of the hour comes waltzing in, causing Stevie to shoot a glance at Rod, who nods his head.

"What's up, Stevie," he leans on the counter, flashing his grill-covered teeth at her. She sighs.

"What do you want?"

"I want you to stop being so mean to me, when I see you. Every time I see you, it's an issue."

"I don't know you, so I don't have to be nice to you."

"You could get to know me, sweetheart." He leans in closer, before a throat clears itself behind him, making him turn around.

"Is there a problem?" Rod asks, sizing the man up. He's a foot taller than him, but still no match.

"You must be boyfriend." He chuckles, quickly pissing Rod off.

"Sure am. Do we have a problem?" He asks, again.

"Man, ain't nobody worried about your ass. Tell your girl it ain't nice to be rude and then we wouldn't be havin' this conversation."

"You tell 'em you ain't interested?" He looks at Stevie.

"A thousand times."

"You like harassing girls that ain't interested, huh? I can totally see how it must be hard for you to accept that, but shorty said no, so step off."

"Or what?" He steps closer to his face. Rod doesn't flinch.

"I'll make you."

Stevie watches the smirk glide across his face as he cocks his fist back, not even getting to land it, before Rod clocks him in the jaw, sending him to the floor.

"Oh God," an elderly woman gets up from her table and walks out, while others stand around and watch as Rod hovers over the man.

"I suggest you leave." Gripping him up by his collar, he flings him out of the door. Stevie watches as he walks to his car and hops in, driving off.

Rod comes back in and Stevie walks from behind the counter, quickly wrapping her arms around him.

"Thank you."

"Always, babygirl." They look over at Claire who's scribbling something down on a piece of paper.

"I got his description and his license plate number. He definitely won't be back in here, I'll be right back." She pats Stevie's shoulder.

"Thanks, Claire."

She smiles, before walking into her office.

"How you gettin' to class?" He asks, smoothing his hands down her back.

"Tyler's gonna come by at the end of my shift, so I can drive her to work."

"Okay, good. She been doin' okay?"

"Yeah, she's fine. She's just going through some stuff, but I got her."

He nods, pecking her lips. "I'll see you later."

"Yes you will."

"I love you."

"I love you, more."

Rod walks into his one and only class of the day, immediately sighing to himself. The only seat that's left is beside Tara. He grumbles, before sitting down, scooting his desk away from her.

"Damn, that's how we do each other?" She scoffs. He looks in her direction and back in front of him.

"Don't do me with that bullshit, man. You ain't been nothin' but trouble since you got here."

"Okay, first of all, I didn't know that you had a girlfriend, so your brand new attitude threw me all the way off."

"Even after I told you about her, you still tried it. I see them lil dumb ass looks you be givin' her when we walk past you, I know about you threatening her or in your case warning her— you wasn't thrown off by a damn thing, you're jealous."

"Man—"

"I don't wanna hear it." He shifts again, staring ahead as the most boring lecture begins.

About an hour later, the class is finally over and Rod slightly bolts for the door, of course with Tara right on his tail.

"Can I just say something?"

"Nah," he continues walking, ignoring her little huffs.

"Rod, come on." She steps in front of him, blocking his path.

"What man?!" His face scrunches up.

"Look, I know I haven't been the most reasonable person. Maybe, shouldn't have talked to shorty like that," he starts to move around her, but she pushes him back, "okay! Okay! I shouldn't have said anything to her, damn!"

"You talking a lot, but still ain't sayin' shit." He blinks, growing impatient.

"I don't normally apologize for the shit that I do, man. I just do it." 

"Come.” she motions for him to come closer and he stays put.

"You must think I'm stupid."

"I'm not trying to do anything stupid. I promise." She waits til he leans down, still keeping his eye on her.

"I'm sorry." She whispers in his ear, making him suck his teeth and lean back up.

"Why you on some top secret shit, man? I'm thinking you ‘bout to tell me something important. This ain't fifth grade, Tara. Say that shit out loud."

She sucks her teeth and punches him in the shoulder. "I'm sorry, aight?! Damn."

"That must've killed you." He sarcastically responds.

"It really did, now bring it in." She holds her arms out.

"Bring what in?"

"Gimme a hug, fool."

"Nahh, I'm good."

She frowns. "Why? She won't approve?"

"Don't play the victim—"

"I'm not playing the— just give me a hug, man."

"Girl, I said no."

"Whatever. Do you at least accept my apology?" She steps closer to him.

"Sure. I think I know you well enough to know that you really don't own up to the stupid shit that you do, so yeah. We're good."

"Great." A smile works its way onto her lips as she turns around, finding Stevie a few feet away with an incredulous look on her face.

As Tara passes her, she throws her a wink. Stevie watches her until she disappears down the hall and her eyes carry her to Rod.

She slowly approaches him and folds her arms over her chest. "What was that?"

"What was what? Tara?"

"No, Tommy. Yes, Tara. What was she doing over here, so close to your face?"

"She was apologizing."

"Hm." She jerks her head back. "Apologizing, huh? Where's mine?"

"She told me that she was sorry for everything, including what she said to you."

"Why didn't she say that to me, just now? Cause you wanna know what she did do— she winked at me," Stevie fakes a smile before her lips drop into a line, "what the fuck is she winking at me for, Roderick?"

"She's crazy. We both know that."

"Exactly," she points her finger at him, "we both know that. So, since we both know that, please enlighten me on why you even let her be in your face, in the first place." He sighs.

"Baby, I know what it looked like, but I shut down the funny shit."

"Do you believe her apology was genuine?" She asks, tilting her head.

"She's never one to own up to anything, so maybe." He shrugs.

She scoffs, beginning to turn around when he catches her by the wrist.

"Let me go."

"For what? Why are you mad at me?"

"Because, you told me that I needed to keep my eye on her just in case she tried some funny shit. Here we are with the funny shit and you're acting as if it's not a problem. That shit wasn't genuine," she yanks her hand out of his grip. "I don't understand why you would even still think that after I just told you that she walked past me, like she just won the fucking lotto."

"I'm not trying to argue with you,"

"Who said this was an argument? I'm just letting you know what's up, cause you act like you were born this morning."

Rod jerks his head back. "Alright. Can we not do this?"

"It's already done, Rod."

"I don't want you to be mad at me, though."

"Well, you should've thought about that," she pulls her bag up on her shoulder, and heads in the opposite direction, almost completely walking away until he calls out for her, again.

"You don't like being alone, Vie."

"I'll be fine."

Tyler tightens the strings on her oxford blue apron as she comes back from her lunch break.

Quickly wiping down her space, she greets her first customer of the second half of her shift.

"Dining in?"

"Takeout."

"What can I get you, ma'am?"

"One french toast special with scrambled eggs and bacon and a black coffee."

"Alright, that'll be $12.32." A twenty is placed on the counter, causing Tyler to sigh and snatch it up, placing the change back on the counter along with the receipt.

"It'll be out in ten minutes," she gives the lady a quaint smile, internally choking her as she catches the slight eye roll.

"Thanks." She moves away from the counter and sits on the bench by the door.

"Rude ass," she mumbles, narrowing her eyes at the tall, dreaded man that she'd seen, pushing up on Stevie a few days earlier.

"Ew, it's you."

He chuckles at her killer expression. “Don't do me like that, shorty."

"That ain't my name, and..." she points to his jaw, "what the hell happened to your face?"

"Ol girl sicked her boyfriend on me. Shit ain't even hurt." She rolls her eyes.

"Yeah, okay. What you orderin'?"

"Whatchu recommend?"

"Food. There's an entire menu of good food. Choose something."

"Aight, hol' up." He grabs the menu and she sighs, glancing at the deep red ink on the side of his neck.

"What's your tattoo say?"

"Blood ninety-two."

"Hm." She stares at the tattoos littering his knuckles and thinks back to the same ones that John had on his arm.

"Shit," she mumbles as she makes the connection in her head. The man stares at her for a brief second, before smirking to himself.

She needed to warn Stevie and fast.

@blackerthings @sheabuttahwrites @twistedcharismaaa @thegifstories @blowmymbackout @chaneajoyyy @ghostfacekill-monger @nahimjustfeelingit-writes @nayaxwrites @cecereads209 @abeautifulmindexposed @harmshake

[chatonarya]

Thematic Breakdown of "Heal The World" (part 2)

Original post on reddit.

Continued from part 1.

Overall picture.

In addition to the overarching themes of isolation and seeking connection, this is a song about love, sacrifice, fear, and hope, and all of these themes can be found scattered through the story and Gnosis’ characterization. Let’s connect the threads, shall we?

Love: as I’ve said before, despite everything, Gnosis still works to make Kjerag a better place. He still loves his homeland. “To him, the joint founding of Karlan Commercial, and behind that, SilverAsh’s concern for Kjerag’s future, are the few fetters that exist for him. Aside from his work, that is the one and only thing he cares about. And just as he’s willing to devote his heart and soul to his research, he’ll actually do the same for Karlan Commercial’s affairs. Even though he’ll never admit it, nor will anyone else understand.”

What is the true purpose of Karlan Commercial? To change Kjerag. Karlan Commercial is the vehicle for Gnosis’ and Enciodes’ dream of elevating Kjerag. “This undertaking is ours together,” Enciodes says.

Remember, "joint founding." Gnosis isn't just Enciodes' right-hand, he's co-founder. He has as much claim to ownership of Karlan Trade as Enciodes does.

Inasmuch as he says Enciodes promised him “Kjerag’s future. An emerging industrial country that would allow me to utilize my talent in research without fear of plagiarism, misuse, or suppression,” it’s still wrapped up in that shared dream. If he wanted, Gnosis could theoretically sell his abilities to the highest bidder, even if it would come with the caveat of not having full control of his own tech and it being used for its intended purpose. Then again, though, consider that as much as Gnosis’ file goes out of its way to emphasize how he is the consummate, stereotypical researcher with very loose ethics and cares about almost literally nothing else, if pursuit of knowledge was all Gnosis cared about, why would he care about how his tech is used, and why? Why would he care about something like misuse and having control or ownership of his tech, if he didn’t have a very clear purpose in mind for it?

We also know via his Bloodline of Combat skin that Gnosis accepts the position of becoming Kjerag’s first Speaker of the Parliament by Enciodes’ recommendation. “I’m not your pawn, and most definitely not your underling; I’m your partner-in-crime”: anything Gnosis does, he does because he wants to, not because Enciodes compels him to. He’s reached a point in his skin where he can accept a position that would leave him little time for research, either because focusing solely on providing technological advancement is no longer necessary or because now, their plans need him to do something else on the side. He takes up this mantle willingly, even though it will place him in the public eye and force him to deal with people, which he obviously dislikes. All of this stems from love.

So, too, would I be remiss if I did not say the song also seems to imply love in a more traditional sense, that is, romantic love. It’s clear throughout BI and his file that the bond Gnosis has with Enciodes is a deep one. They speak to each other very frankly, they’ve known each other for twenty years (that is, practically their whole lives; we know that the Silverash and Edelweiss children were always raised together, and since BI-3 refers to Gnosis as a "young man", they can't be older than 30ish), and they trust each other immensely. In BI-6, it can be argued that not only do they speak to each other without any pretenses or formalities (Enciodes casually asks him “What’s on your mind?” when he walks in), but their little squabble regarding Gnosis having repeatedly told him not to enjoy a challenge if he can’t afford to lose and Enciodes’ rebuttal that they can discuss it later implies it’s an old argument between them that they’ve had before; this strikes me not as something best friends would argue over but more in line with the kind of well-tread argument a couple would have.

Elements like shared fates, dreams, giving hearts, requests not to leave, looking into one's eyes… all of these typically are elements which appear in romantic love songs. This strikes me as unusual for someone like Gnosis, particularly against other songs like Eternal Flame (Fiammetta), Undertopia (Pozyomka), Ensheath (Mlynar), or Radiant (Margaret Nearl) which are more clear about their themes and ideals. For their characters, romance is one of the furthest things from their minds, and you would think the same about Gnosis given the kind of person he is, yet that romantic note is very clearly present. Under his layers of ice, Gnosis does still have a little spark of love in his heart, even if he doesn’t show it to anyone, and there’s really nobody else for this sentiment to be directed towards other than Enciodes.

Sacrifice: This is fairly self-explanatory, but regardless. Gnosis has sacrificed for the sake of their dream, in particular, his own dignity, respect, and reputation. He doesn’t care if he has to bear public humiliation or be a turncoat or be openly scorned; he doesn’t care if he has to “fall”, and he endures the pain, setting it aside no matter how vivid, and stays unmoved. He has his personal pride ("I don't remember needing anyone's permission to sit here"), refusing to bow his head to anyone, and secure in the knowledge of his true position as Enciodes's partner, that's enough for him. Everything else, he is willing to sacrifice. There is no price too great for him to pay, much like Enciodes, and Gnosis has already paid much of that price: he has cast away almost everything for the sake of his research: “leaving life around him.”

Gnosis has essentially no non-professional interpersonal relationships left except Enciodes, as his relationship with Monch, whatever little it was (a subject for another essay), fell apart at the end of BI (though it’s worth noting that with his ostracization, he wouldn’t be given much opportunity to form bonds anyway). It's Gnosis who pushes for bringing down the other clans and rebuilding, and Gnosis who pushes for the plan of casting himself as the scapegoat as time runs short: "Let me do it. Let me, the son of a sinner, the villain of Karlan Trade, be a traitor again. Even if you don't agree, I'll still do this. In fact, it's better if you don't. It will make our charade all that more realistic."

Gnosis also comments to the Doctor that if you know Enciodes at all, "he is not a callous man. From my point of view, he might even be a little indecisive." In some ways, Gnosis is actually more ruthless than Enciodes, more easily able to "set aside his emotions.” Enciodes hesitates to execute Gnosis' plan (he markedly doesn’t say a word throughout the entire scene after Gnosis tells him to drop the act because the idea has crossed his mind as well), perhaps pained by the thought of his best friend throwing away what tatters remain of his reputation, or by Gnosis' cavalier attitude regarding himself, or the plan itself (because we see he had the thought but obviously didn’t want to go through with it), but Gnosis doesn't hesitate, aware though he is of what it means for him (watch his expressions in that scene: first he smiles as he tells Enciodes not to play dumb; then he looks resolute; then resigned and gaze averted as he says Kjerag has no place for him and he doesn't care; and finally his eyes close as he states he's more than used to it; despite everything, he still feels the pain of being outcast on some level). He sees that Kjerag is at an impasse, and Enciodes' gentle methods and patient attitude has them at a stalemate while time grows short. He sees a solution, and he takes it, regardless of what it costs him. It's not the first time, either: "I told you. It's just another item on my list of charges. I'm more than used to that." Sacrifice is something that Gnosis is well accustomed to; and sacrifice comes from dedication, and love.

I would also like to give a shout-out to u/Lotikana for pointing out the symbolic meaning of Gnosis being based on the crane, and the meaning of his surname, Edelweiss. I quote:

that bird is also a symbol of fidelity and loyalty. Also cranes were usually embroidered on the clothes of Chinese civil servants edelweiss is a mountain flower. But there is more in it than just reference to mountains: edelweiss is a symbol of purity (literal translation from German is "noble and white") and patriotism (the "Edelweiss") song and century-long usage as insignia of alpine troops in many counties). Taking into account his loyalty to Kjerag it looks like quite suitable name.

I took the liberty of digging into this a little further myself, and I’ll add that in Chinese culture and folklore, cranes symbolize longevity, and have a spiritual meaning where they are a form of divine bird which travels between heaven and man's world. There’s also more than one Japanese folk tale about cranes repaying a favor with great sacrifice—for instance, “The Crane’s Repayment of A Favor” (also known as “The Grateful Crane”) the crane maiden secretly sacrifices her health to weave fine garments to provide for her poor husband after he saves her life, plucking out her own feathers to turn into brocade. Gnosis' file talks about repayment as well: “He reciprocated [SilverAsh’s] display of trust [by having him hold the post of CTO] by bringing a wide array of technologies to Karlan Trade.”

Fear: Something which struck me quite sharply during BI was Gnosis’ fear that Enciodes would not make it out of the incident alive and his desire to save Enciodes (“I only wish I still have a chance to save you before your own arrogance ends up killing you”). “Please don’t leave,” is the poignant line from the song; not only is Enciodes the only person Gnosis has in his life as I just said, but he’s also, clearly, incredibly important to him. An argument can be made that Gnosis only needs him for that freedom to research that Enciodes promised him, but if that was the case, why would Gnosis be so afraid to lose him? Why would he phrase it that way, “save you”—almost echoing the line from the song, “save me”? (Much like "please don't leave" almost seems to echo the young Enciodes saying "But you're leaving…")

It’s one of the clearest emotions that Gnosis shows throughout the story. Again, this is a moment where both Enciodes and Gnosis have dropped their guards and are speaking openly and frankly to each other. Up until this point, we see Gnosis as a cold, cruel, and calculating man, contrasting sharply with Enciodes’ unflappable grace and tact. Gnosis has little patience, is blunt with his words, and open with his displeasure and dissatisfaction. We have a sense of anger from him, a desire for vengeance (however false), and the feeling that he’s borderline unethical, almost giving him a mad scientist vibe who cares for nothing and no-one. We also know that he’s unafraid of the consequences to himself after everything—but he does fear for Enciodes. He fears losing Enciodes.

As I said, in theory, Gnosis can sell his abilities to the highest bidder if he is brilliant enough to essentially create his own tech and enough to basically modernize an entire country. Per his file, he not only provides all of KTC's tech, but he also designed all of their factories and facilities; he's not merely a scientist and researcher, but also knows enough to engineer these things. He's extremely talented and brilliant. Any lab (like, say, Rhine Lab) would kill to have someone like him. Yet he chooses to stay in Kjerag. There's very much a personal element to what he does (otherwise he would’ve stayed in Victoria or gone elsewhere), and his fear of losing Enciodes is a personal one as well.

The fear in the song is a fear of loss, of losing perhaps the one and only person who cares for him and who has stood by him; Enciodes never believed that Gnosis was guilty for the deaths of his parents. This fear is reflected in the lines "Please don't leave," and the note of fear in "It's starting to burn" and “save me”, and also in “calling to you” (seeking confirmation and/or reassurance) and “this is the fear”. It’s also a fear of losing oneself, I think—for all that Gnosis doesn’t care about what he has to do, the only thing keeping him from going off completely into the deep end is something very small and fragile: “it’s just a tear that saves me from the darkness.” If he truly didn’t care, didn’t feel the pain and terror of this, he wouldn’t be asking, “save me.”

Finally, hope. Despite the elements of darkness, pain, and fear, the song is about persevering through that suffering for the sake of something better, for a brighter, endless future; to heal the darkness from the world so light can take its place. As I’ve said before, this “endless future” is Gnosis’ primary motive, what he fights for. He breaks away from the pain and carries both it and the truth inside him, a truth that perhaps only he knows. His sacrifices are made in the hopes of tearing down the oppressive “system” (and we see via his Bloodline of Combat skin that this hope is not in vain: it refers to “the Vine-Bear Court’s final meeting of the Tri-Clan Council,” indicating that this system is abolished in favor of a more modern one).

This is another element which is a little unusual for someone like Gnosis, who has a very pragmatic and merciless attitude. But, in a way, when one is conducting an experiment, for what reason does one do it? In the hopes of achieving a good result. In the hopes of discovering something new. In a roundabout way, hope, in a sense, is an everyday element of his life.

Hope also goes hand in hand with love, as one cannot help but hope for and want the best for something one loves. Hope is one of the reasons he is in Kjerag. And one of the clearest shows of hope is this line: “Enciodes, remember our dream?”

Is there anything more hopeful—fragile, grand, impossible yet seeming possible—than a childhood dream? When you’re a child, even the most ridiculous and enormous dream seems possible, when your eyes are full of innocence and you haven’t seen the reality of the world yet. Gnosis holds onto this dream even after he has seen the reality of the world, even if it might be more tempered now that he knows what he has to do—but he’s still doing it in hopes of achieving it.

Also, what is the title of the song and the line repeated throughout? Heal the World. “Heal the world of darkness.” Why heal? Why would a researcher choose that word rather than something like fix? Because “heal” itself is a hopeful word. We refer to wounds healing; broken hearts healing; broken worlds healing; pain and grief healing. “To heal” means to restore to health or cure; to ease or relieve emotional distress; to set right or repair. For Gnosis, it isn’t merely about modernizing the country, as much as it will evolve under his hand. It’s about making it something better, about repairing everything that’s wrong. As forceful as his methods are, it’s always been done in the name of hope. (This also ties in a bit to his surname: Edelweiss the hardy flower of purity and patriotism, innocence and rugged individualism.)

During the flashback to Victoria in BI-6, when Enciodes says, “Do you remember what we said to each other when you left Kjerag? [...] Only destruction awaits us. [...] Kjerag must make contact with the outside world. We must take that step forward while we still have control. Come help me, Gnosis,” Gnosis smiles as he accepts the offer (and presumably shakes Enciodes’ hand for the second time). Enciodes doesn’t talk about technology, or power: only about how their little country will be destroyed if they do nothing. He’s gambling everything on the hope of averting “the twilight set on the world”. And Gnosis is right there with him, falling together with him, on that hope.

As a concluding note, all these elements—isolation, connection, love, sacrifice, fear, and hope—come together beautifully to make this song so poignant and striking, and add, in my opinion, a whole other dimension to the character it’s written for.

Finally, thank you for reading!

Now please don't ask me to do the B-side because did you know that Alchemaniac drew Heal The World and Silver Lining as one single?

[zorkaya-moved]

❛ magicdoes that. it wastes the inadequate away. once it grips you by the ear, the real world gets quieter and quieter, until you can hardly hear it at all. ❜ ( from maleficent!! )

@litpyres

Her mother told her the stories of the Snow Queen, the last Ice Elemental. An elemental who was most in-tuned with magic but also longed for love only to be left alone in her land of winter and snowflakes (snow bees). The Queen would be stuck in ‘eternity,’ spelling that word with letters made of ice repeatedly until she would be called for yet another meeting of monarchs. Before The Seven were established she was the one ruling over the Northern lands, now a part of Pyroxene, which Fair Queen ruled over so diligently. Eternally, eternally Snow Queen longed for love only to see how others would escape winter’s touch; she could not warm anyone. Despite her magical capabilities and the union she brought to all other elementals, the Snow Queen would slowly feel her heart crack. Her friends could no longer reach her; her fellow monarchs could no longer know what she was thinking about; her snow bees could no longer fly freely. Joyous laughter of humanity continued to echo in her mind. 

Two kids stumbled into the land of winter and gave the Ice Elemental warmth she had never experienced before. They spoke of their fascination with ice sculptures and the beauty of the forest; they danced with snowflakes and sang with the howling wind. But they were humans. They were mortals. They would fade away and melt like a snowflake falling on a living creature’s hand. The kids aged, became old, and could no longer visit. There were no longer melodies singing in the castle that once brimmed with life. 

The only two Queens who were still able to bring the Snow Queen out of her northern lands were Maleficent and Fair Queen. The three would spend their time together in the forest of Fae, drinking tea and discussing politics or whatever they wished for. The Snow Queen’s land had no one to rule, the lands were usually used for people to come in and go, but never stay. No one found home in the land of winter. Fair Queen and Maleficent knew that, but they could not help. Snow Queen’s melancholy was becoming more and more evident, especially after the children who gave her a taste of warmth and happiness were gone. Her smiles froze, her tears falling down her cheeks as she mourned death and farewells. The one who united other Elementals within Twisted Wonderland since the Age of Gods would stop coming out as much. 

One day, Snow Queen would approach Maleficent and Fair Queen herself. In her hands, she had two scrolls. An unusually tender smile would appear on the woman’s face as she granted two scrolls to her beloved friends. 

It was said that Maleficent and Snow Queen then disappeared, and Fair Queen took over the lands of Snow Queen, turning them into a richer place to commemorate her old friend’s wishes to have others live there and remain there. Snow Queen was never seen again. Indeed, the magic had taken over, and she could no longer hear the outside world. As an existence of pure magic ruling over an element, Snow Queen became deaf to all and any happiness the outside world brought. She wasn’t loved as others; she wasn’t as approachable as others, she wasn’t full of life as others could be. No one could survive in her land for too long during those days. But Fair Queen and Maleficent would be able to turn those snowy mountains into places where others could share happy memories. 

Her mother said that the Snow Queen’s blood spilled on the snow, and it would give birth to jeweled berries and more. The Harvest village would become what Snow Queen dreamed of centuries ago. But no one in the land of Pyroxene remembered that or knew that. It was a plea from the Snow Queen to Maleficent and Fair Queen: forget me, use what I was to grant a future to these silent lands. 

Then… did it mean that the one who was ruling over the Briar Valley wished to share the tale and knowledge with the one who was now bearing the title of the Ice Elemental? Her mother said she was an uncanny resemblance to the Snow Queen. It was… troubling. She didn’t want to lose sight of the real world. 

“But the Snow Queen was adequate yet driven to despair, was she not?” Zarina felt like it was a useless question to ask, but she still wanted to ask. Lilia and Malleus did not bring her here for no reason. Lilia seemed more eager to bring the newly found Ice Elemental before Maleficent. It was hard not to feel the weight of the magic that the other was exuding. Morozova did not look away or shy away from looking at the Queen. She was magnificent, powerful, and wise. Her noble spirit was the reason for NRC’s established Diasomnia dorm. “My mother said she lost what mattered and drove herself to find a way to shatter herself, which is… why she came to you…”

But her mother didn’t know the tears and the agony Snow Queen was feeling when she came to Maleficent, begging her dearest friend to cease her existence as herself. To shatter the ice and the core of an elemental. Elements don’t die, they may scatter but they exist until one will once again take form and continue to walk the earth. Her mother - the Air elemental - did not know how Maleficent had to see the Snow Queen lose everything bit by bit, creating a spell that could break apart an elemental’s core and cease its physcal embodiment for centuries. A painful experience. An experience that was not for the weak minded. And yet, her mother also didn’t know Snow Queen's tearful smile to Maleficent and a word of gratitude before she would be shattered. 

“That’s why my mother bound my powers,” her hand reached up to her neck, she still wore her choker, but there was no more ‘Conceal, Don’t Feel’ chaining her. The abundance of energy repressed almost killed the mortal/human body that she was born with. She could still remain one who did not have to be shattered, right? Yes, but Morozova started to fear the consequences of how much power she used in S.T.Y.X. “But… Do you think that I, too, will follow the same fate, Your Highness?” 

Will she, too, be drowned by this magic and power despite being adequate? Will despair render her inadequate and will make the outside world become quieter and quieter?

No, she didn’t want that.

"Is there... a way to avoid the same fate?"

Wasn't she already saved in her own way by becoming closer to those within Night Raven College? The warmth... The warmth won't let her become inadequate and despair-driven. But for how long?

[miekasa]

fluff alphabet: levi ackerman

↯ pairing: levi ackerman x (fem) reader

↯ genres and warnings: modern au, fluff…. obviously, no real warnings i don’t think, oh spoilers for his ova? 

↯ word count: 3k lol don’t ask me how

↯ notes: i was going to take requests for this for valentine’s day, but i figured i’d just do them all in one post lolol. i feel like i haven’t posted for levi in a while, so here we go

Activities — What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

If you ask Levi to do something, there’s a good chance he’ll try it at least once for you. Unless it’s something he’s said he explicitly dislikes or doesn’t want to partake in, he’d gladly try it out with you.

He strikes me as the kind of person to like trying new restaurants. Not necessarily the trendy or popular or exclusive ones; but local places with good recommendations or reviews.

Down for late night drives, but you have to be the one driving. He’ll drive if you become too tired, but he prefers to sit in the passenger seat and just let you take him wherever. He doesn’t mind, and it’s a sign he trusts you.

I also think museum dates would be some thing he enjoys. Not history museums—I feel like the concept of stolen artifacts on display would piss him off more than anything lol—but art museums. That’s not to say he’s extremely into art, but I think something about a museum environment is somewhat calming to him. He doesn’t mind.

One more activity I would say suits him is watching movies or shows together. Levi’s the kind of guy that catches you watching a series and expresses how it looks stupid or boring at first, but still hovers around and backseat watches it anyway. After a while, he just gives up and starts actively watching it with you and becomes invested. He just won’t admit it.

Beauty — What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

In the least cheesy way possible, everything. Levi sees people, and his s/o in particular, as a whole person, rather than the sum of their parts. He understands that everything about you—physical, emotional, or otherwise—contributes to the person he loves. There’s something to appreciate about all of it at different times.

He’d probably admire and/or find little habits you have beautiful in some way or another. Probably things you might not even notice about yourself unless he pointed them out to you.

Personality wise, he’d admire it if his s/o were blunt and/or the kind of person to stick up for themselves or their friends. A little bit assertive; not going out of your way to make other people feel small or be rude, but simply refusing to shrink to make room for others.

Physically, again, I don’t think he has a preference for most anything, but if I had to pick, I’d say he’s a thigh/ass guy.

Comfort — How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack, etc.?

Levi is observant, so he would be able to tell when you’re struggling perhaps before you’re ready to realize it yourself, and long before you’re about to burst.

However, he would ask you how he can help. For as observant as he is, he’s also not a mind reader, and if there’s something specific he can get you, he would want to know, even if it’s seemingly small or superficial.

He would be pretty proactive about it, too. The second he figures out how he can help, he’s on it. You need a new desk to work from home? He’ll have it built by that weekend. You’re feeling overwhelmed and behind on your tasks? He’s already doing the ones he can do without your help.

He does his best to try and help you relax if the issue is a stressor, and if he could, he would eradicate the root of the stress from your life completely. Unfortunately, in the real world, that’s not always possible, but it’s nice to know that he’s willing. 

The other obvious answer is tea, but allow me to expand it more generally to food. Going along with the theme of acts of service being his love language, Levi would try to provide the basic necessities for you in order to allow to focus on solving your problems and/or feeling better. If not worrying about dinner is one thing that can help you, Levi’s happy to cook for you.

Dreams — How do they picture their future with their s/o?

Simple, but fulfilled. Levi just wants to be happy—to have someone to care for, and to have someone who will care for him.

Truthfully, I don’t think he’d mind children later down the road, and I think he would be a good parent. It might not be something he talks about outright at first, but as time progresses, and perhaps the timing becomes right, it’d be something he would want to consider.

Equal — Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

It’s equal. Levi doesn’t want to have more power, nor does he want to be passive. However, there are things he doesn’t mind handing over to you, and conversely, responsibilities he doesn’t mind taking on himself.

Compromise would be a big part in the relationship—not for the sake of compromising on your dreams or ambitions, but rather, to reach a middle ground if there’s any kind of argument.

I think it’s a give and take with him. And I don’t think he would want it to be any other way. He doesn’t strike me as someone who’s on either polar end.

Fight — Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

When you do fight, it’s a lot of pointed frustration. He doesn’t raise his voice, but he can get snippy, and a little closed off—speaking in clipped sentences, using underhanded phrases, focusing on past points. What drives him crazy is the aftermath of the fight, and if you give him the silent treatment, he’s bound to crack much sooner than later.

He’s quite easy to forgive. Canonically, he doesn’t like to fight with his friends or the people he cares about, and he would rather reach a solution as quickly as possible.

We saw that with Isabel and Farlan, despite the way he was firm on his decision for them to stay behind, they were able to break his resolve pretty quickly. He cares a lot about the people in his life, and I don’t think he’d like to go long with a riff between him and you. Especially if he thinks he might regret not talking to you about it sooner.

He’s one to keep a promise, but not to hold a grudge. That is to say, he understands that forgiveness goes both ways, and to work in a healthy relationship, both parties have to forgive themselves and each other at some point.

Gratitude — How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

Yes and no. It might take a minute for Levi to understand the depth of your actions—especially the ones that appear more mundane or are not as explicitly romantic.

Once he does, he is very aware of them, and as such, if very grateful. He didn’t every really think he’d be able to create and be apart of the kind of loving relationship the two of you have. He really cherishes it.

Honesty — Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

He has secrets by way of omission. He doesn’t lie to keep things hidden from you, but sometimes he doesn’t tell everything about himself, especially towards the start of your relationship.

It’s not always with malicious or even self-protective intent. He just doesn’t share because he doesn’t think it’s important, or that you might care. If you pry long enough or insist that you want to know just to know and because you care, then he’s happy to share.

As previously mentioned, it might take him a while to realize just how much you care about him, and his past and interests by extension. 

Inspiration — Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

As your relationship progresses Levi comes to learn that you genuinely find him attractive not just physically, but emotionally and psychologically. That you actually want to know him and that he’s worth knowing.

So, his biggest change is in the way he approaches his thoughts about himself and his self worth. But he also begins to pick up on your habits, your interests, and tries to understand your general approach to life, too.

He would probably change you in some ways, too. Most notably in the way you organize and clean your space, probably. He’s not sorry about it.

Jealousy — Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

No, he doesn’t. To him, jealously would imply that someone has something he wants. Firstly, you’re not an object to him, and secondly, he has you. There’s nothing more to it.

He’s not childish, nor is he out of check with his emotions, so he wouldn’t lash out on you, especially if it’s not your fault. In his small momentary slips, you wouldn’t even have noticed he was jealous at all.

He wouldn’t like it if someone was repeatedly making advances on you, especially if you’ve explicitly told them off/they were making you uncomfortable. In situations like that, he would simply try to get the both of you out of there/away from the person as quickly as possible.

There’s also an element of trust to this with Levi. He wouldn’t expect you to try and make him jealous out of spite; and he would trust that you wouldn’t play on the advances of other people if you notice them.

Kiss — Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

He is a good kisser. Mainly because he’s very perceptive to what you want and how to give it you.

The first kiss was sweet. Knowing Levi, there was probably quite the build up to it, so even if it was sweet and innocent, there was a layer of tension and a crash of emotions coming forward in the moment. It was memorable, to say the least.

Love Confession — How would they confess to their s/o?

I have imagined this time and time again… and I think it really depends on the foundation of your relationship/friendship with him before.

In the most generic scenario, it would probably be a little backwards—you would have, intentionally or not, gone on some dates before he realized what his feelings really were, and then take it from there.

If you were friends for a while before hand, it can probably go the implicit dating route—that is you’re both exclusively emotionally invested in each other, and basically involved in most relationship aspects without having realized it or put a label on it. You kind of naturally morph into a relationship, and it probably takes a verbal confession or kiss or two to solidify it.

It can also go the sexual tension route, and one day one of you finally snaps and makes a move. The verbal confession would come in the aftermath, but your actions will have solidified and expressed your feelings long before that.

Marriage — Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

Again, yes and no. Without taking into account the legal aspects, the actual concept of marriage is that juxtaposition of sweet and powerful that Levi likes; the idea of devoting yourself to someone and receiving a special kind of love for the rest of your life.

And while all of that is beautiful to him, there are the unfortunate cultural norms or marriage, especially in a modern au. The legality of it all, especially the financial defaults, would be a headache. Not to mention all the fluff and grandeur and gender expectations about it. He thinks all of that fucking sucks.

Above all, he doesn’t get why people expect him to pay for what’s basically an expensive document that tells the federal government he lives with you and loves you. He could do that without them in his business.

If you want to get married, then the proposal is sweet. Intimate, and probably a call back to something in your relationship, or a significant date/event for the both of you. He wouldn’t dare do it in public or even involve anybody else, other than maybe asking a friend or two.

Marriage with Levi is much like being in a long-term relationship with him. The way he acts in marriage isn’t exponentially different than the way he had been acting as your boyfriend. It’s all still very quiet, very sweet, very domestic.

Nicknames — What do they call their s/o?

He calls you by your name, unless you ask him to call you by something else. He might call you by an actual nickname, that is a shortened version of your name, if that’s the name you usually go by.

He’s not big on pet names and they slip out from time to time, but not in place of your actual name on an every day basis. If anything, he calls your name with a very unique tone to his voice. He rarely calls for anybody else with the same tone and/or emotion.

On Cloud Nine — What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

It’s not… not obvious to his friends, but he doesn’t look like he’s been shot by cupids arrow or anything. If you know Levi, you might pick up on the fact that he seems a bit happier, less stressed, has taken up new hobbies/habits, etc. But there’s not he’s not shitting rainbows and sunshine all of a sudden.

Love is very personal and intimate for him. He would do his best to express to you that he loves you and loves the love he receives from you, but he doesn’t feel that everyone else needs to know.

So, it’s somehow simultaneously noticeable and unnoticeable when you’re together in the presence of other people.

PDA — Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss when others are watching?

Levi isn’t big on PDA. He’s not hiding your relationship, but he doesn’t care to boast it to every person he meets, either. If somebody asks him, he’ll happily say that he’s in a relationship, but he doesn’t bring it forward himself.

He’s not hiding it or shy, but he doesn’t feel the need to be all over you in public. He doesn’t anything to prove to anybody. Besides, nobody wants to see that shit. He knows he wouldn’t.

There are some displays of affection, though. Hand holding isn’t abnormal, though likely not in a casual space with your friends or family. He’ll brush is hand along your arm when he’s walking past you, might ruffle your hair if the occasion calls for it, squeeze your thigh under the table.

Quirk — Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.

He’s canonically good at math. This comes in handy when you’re at restaurants and trying to calculate a tip quickly. Somehow, he knows how to figure out 18% of your bill in 3 seconds flat.

It also comes in handy when you’re trying to organize things. Along with math comes a pretty good understanding of spatial reasoning. Somehow Levi is always able to put away your left overs using the smallest and least amount of tupperware possible. It’s kind of ridiculous, he might be a wizard.

Romance — How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

In the traditional sense, he might not appear romantic, but he’s the kind of person to say or do or gift little things that would take a much deeper romantic understanding of his partner than some grand, generic act like buying a thousand roses.

His romance is tailored to you and your relationship, not general expectations of what it means to be “romantic.”

Support — Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

Levi is very devoted to you, so if you ask for his help, or he can help without stepping on your toes, he will. He wants you to not only succeed, but feel fulfilled through your achievements, and he’s happy to help you get there.

He believes in you wholeheartedly. If it’s something you really want, Levi wouldn’t dare doubt that you could achieve it.

Thrill — Do they need to try out new things to spice up your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

He doesn’t feel the need to try out new things based on expectations, but if you want to try something, or if he wants to try something, you can have a conversation about it, and eventually try it out.

There’s a sort of established routine in a domestic sense; a sharing of a mutual space and the behaviors associated with that. But there’s not, like, established date nights or “week-a-versaries.”

In that sense, he can be pretty spontaneous; bringing up new places to go or activities to try when the idea strikes him. But I suppose it’s never something… too adventurous? Not dangerous, at least lololol, he’s not going to randomly suggest you go skydiving as a bonding exercise. 

Understanding — How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

Very well. Levi kind of makes you his business—in the most non-intrusive way possible. He’s perceptive and picks up on things about you with relative ease, and genuine interest.

He can predict how you might respond in a situation with pretty good accuracy, can guess what you might pick off the menu at a new restaurant, if given a choice has a good sense of which option you’ll choose. Very much a “I knew you would say that/do that, I don’t know why I even asked,” kind of person once he gets to know you. 

He can be pretty empathetic, and I think he would be in a relationship.

Value — How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

Your relationship is pretty damn important to Levi, and he devotes a significant amount of time and attention to it. Not in the place of giving time for himself, his friends, family or interests; but he is very much devoted to you.

However, he’s not the type to give up solid opportunities (ex: financial, for his family/mom, career-wise) for the sake of a relationship, especially if he’s not in the position to do so; and he wouldn’t want you to give up exceptional opportunities that align with your goals for him either.

Everything is relative in that sense, I suppose. He cares for you, deeply, and knows that you do, too. That, contrary to popular belief, is what enables you both to be strong enough to bend and not break.

Wild Card — A random fluff head canon.

I’ll give you a few :)

If you want him to, Levi will do your hair for you, and he’s pretty fucking good at it, too; hair type or texture be damned, he’ll take his time with it, and do it well for you.

When he’s alone, Levi hums himself to sleep. Usually singing/humming his mother’s favorite songs and/or songs he remembers hearing as a child.

He always gives you the lighter bags when you take your groceries upstairs/into your house. He doesn’t tell you, but he knows you don’t like to ‘make’ him do all the work.

He always makes dinner if he gets home before you.

He’s a pretty good artist, and has even drawn you once. He’s never told you or shown you, but he keeps the picture folded up in his wallet. Or behind his phone case.

XOXO — Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

Affectionate in private, yes. He doesn’t mind it if you’re all over him, and truthfully, has his moments where he’s shamelessly all over you, too. Especially in the morning, he’s a cuddle bug.

Kisses are always good, he would never oppose them. He’s quite easy to persuade with kisses, actually. And most physical touches; he doesn’t get them often, so he kind of melts when he does. 

Cuddles, too. Again, all of this is private and in the comfort of your own home. His favorite way to cuddle is to either have you completely on top of him, or to lay his head in your lap. Because he loves the feeling of you playing with his hair.

Yearning — How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

Levi will take part in things you like or things you’ve claimed in your shared space.

For example, he might find himself eating your favorite foods more often, sitting on the spot on the couch your sit in most often, rolling over to your side of the bed in his sleep.

He also likes to look back on pictures of the two of you. He doesn’t particularly like to be photographed, but he likes having these physical memories of your relationship, so he’ll indulge you when you want to take a picture together. And they come in real handy during times like this.

Zeal — Are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

Levi will definitely put up a fight for you, so long as it’s mutual. He wouldn’t pour his effort into someone or a relationship in which he feels like he’s not receiving the same.

I’m not sure what great lengths there would be to go to in a modern au, but he definitely believes that relationships are hard work, and as such, is prepared to put in the work when things get hard. He’s not a quitter, and he knows that love is foundation and requires time and energy.

He cares about you too much to let you go without reason.

[alluringjae]

queen of hearts - sjn

summary: for the first time, one of your star students hasn’t been fetched right after class. but when she finally does, you weren’t expecting such a fine man to be her father.

pairing: johnny x female reader

word count: 5.5k

genre: fluff, romance, comedy | ceo and single dad!johnny + ballerina!reader + modern day!au

warnings: mentions of an absent parent, johnny being an overthinker, sexual innuendos (ten saying dilf hehe), slight explicit language, technical terms of ballet, a mini reference to mean girls

author’s note: sooo i came in touch with my former dance life, which led me to write this. there are links for the variations i used; their names are underlined when they’re mentioned. i am going to get technical with ballet terms here (even when my ballet knowledge decreased), so to any dancers reading, i really did my best, so please don’t come for me or do correct me for any mistakes.

although one character and her dance background, plus the name of the setting, are real, everything else about it is still a work of fiction.

i miss dancing, no cap.

leave me some feedback, constructive criticism or hellos!

Ballet student and teacher by day, a soloist of the Korean National Ballet at night.

This was your daily routine, and it wasn’t the typical 8-5. But it’s debatable whether or not it was worse, because you’re always going overtime. That’s the thing when you’re an overachiever. Nonetheless, you loved what you do. It’s the lifestyle you gradually built since your preschool days.

Mornings on the weekdays were mostly vacant since all the kids were still in school. You’d start at 10 am for a warm-up class for the company. Before you delved into teaching and assisting, you’d train right after your lunch break. Partnering class, en pointe class, 1-on-1 sessions with choreographers, self-practice, then the company night class, that’s the organization of your week.

Now adding the teacher title, you mostly handled kindergartners to 5th graders in the academy aspect of the company. Your first teaching class would start at 1 pm. It’s when the younger students who finished their morning classes zoom into your assigned dance studio. One class would last an hour and a half, then you have a 30-minute break in between another class with the older kids. Their lesson repertoire was more strenuous due to the added across-the-floor lessons and jumps. Water was always your best friend, water refilling stations located everywhere in the company building.

You wouldn’t say you’re a strict teacher, but you weren’t shy to correct anyone from wherever you stood. You’d lightly align their arms or back properly so your students were working on the correct body parts. Compared to the other teachers, a lot of students enjoyed your kind yet frank approaches. Your former students, who’ve already gone to the higher levels, missed your lively presence and wished repeatedly that they want you back as their teacher.

“Teacher (Y/N), I miss you so much! Teacher Ten is so intense. I get the jitters especially when we’re en pointe on the floor.”

“Teacher (Y/N), Teacher Sicheng and Teacher Seulgi scare the heck out of me during partnering class. Especially when I tried to lift my partner, I keep losing focus because of Teacher Sicheng’s never-ending comments!”

Not to be sadistic, but you’d simply laugh at their minuscule complaints. Even if they’re struggling in the academy, those comments were directed to fix their techniques if they wanted to breakthrough.

“Kids, you’re going to be fine! They wouldn’t say or do those things just because they wanted to. They’re here to push you to the next level, like how I used to do with you. It’s a cut-throat industry after all.”

This was always your reply, bittersweet and truthful. Not everyone makes it, unfortunately, so if you’re really striving, you’d do whatever it takes. Throughout your career, you’re relatively impressed with how far you’ve come.

Trainee at 17, Corps de Ballet at 18, Demi-Soloist at 21, and Soloist at 23.

You’ve been a soloist for 4 years. The final stage, which was to become a principal dancer, is your running goal. Becoming a soloist was praiseworthy enough because you’ve seen so many give up in the Corps, but claiming a spot as a principal dancer has been the ultimate dream. Since you’ve watched Swan Lake for the first time at 4 years old with your parents, that’s where you found a passion for dancing and the stage. Here you are years later, practicing numerous variations daily, performing in opera houses, and mentoring all these gifted kids.

Your last class with elementary kids, which began around 5 pm, reached its end once all the students curtsied in front of you and scurried to their mothers or their nannies. The remaining plan on your agenda today was the company class at 7:30 pm, which exceeds the average hour and a half. It’s worse during show season. There have been times everyone went beyond midnight to polish every scene from head to toe.

Currently, there’s no upcoming show for the public, though the annual summer recital for the students was around the corner. Selected members of the company were chosen to perform individually in it, which was both exciting and intense. It’s also because it’s an evaluation on whether you’d get promoted in status or staying put. You’ve partaken in 3 recitals in the past, two of which elevated you from the corps and demi-soloist ranks. The recent one, however, didn’t change your soloist ranking.

It was a major first in your career in ballet, and after finding out the result of the latter, it emotionally pained you. Recalling how much soul you put into that piece, the rejection from your artistic director clenched your heart. Though in time, you moved on from it and viewed it as a stepping stone. Also, Sicheng and Ten personally stormed your apartment to pull yourself together with wine and pizza after going on a short leave.

Since you were trainees, Sicheng and Ten were your best friends in and outside the company. Working daily to occasional barhopping, that’s your youth summed up. It wasn’t because you didn’t like the girls you’ve worked with (though a lot of them were fake and bitchy), but these two were frank and humorous as hell. Together, you’d help each other with your goals rather than be competitive. Over time, Ten leveled up to a principal dancer for 2 years running while you and Sicheng were still soloists. The way you’d watch Ten take all the big roles, that’s where you want to be one day.

Back in your last teaching class, the entire dance room was vacant. Since it’s mainly used for ballet classes, you’d either run through anything you’ve practiced from the company classes and polish it or warm up a little bit more.

Except for today, this was the only free time to sew a new pair of pointe shoes because your current ones were dead. Dead in a sense that the hard shell turned soft, which won’t be able to support you when you’re up on your toes. You’re not taking any risks of minor injuries especially when you’re in the current lineup of company members performing for this upcoming recital again. You have to prove to everyone that you deserve a position as a principal dancer.

As your legs sprawled in a half middle split, your sewing equipment laid in front of you like you’re about to perform surgery, a tiny girl stood by the ajar studio doors. In her neat bun and holding on to her small duffel bag, you’re convinced everyone has gone home already since it’s quite late.

You may have your priorities as a company member, but she was still your student.

“Minji!” You shouted her name, speedily waving your hand. You’re not one to have favorites, though you couldn’t help wonder how extraordinary she was. She’s always taking charge in demonstrating the lessons to everyone and improving every session in the 3 years she’s joined the academy. “Come in! Come in!”

At age 7, she’s gotten taller through the years, above the average from how you see it. She must have amazing genetics. Her legs sauntered in seconds to you. Sitting down across you, she marveled at your setup. Specifically, at the fresh pointe shoes.

“Are those yours, Teacher (Y/N)?” She perked up, caressing its soft fabric and playing with the mini bows of the drawstrings.

“Yes, it is, Minji!” You answered while trying to insert the thin thread through the small eye of the needle. “Why are you still here? Is your nanny stuck in traffic or something?”

“My nanny went on sudden leave, so my dad’s the one fetching me. But I think he’s running late from his job.”

Oh, this was a first to know about her father. In all the years she’s been your student, you rarely caught sight of him, even in recitals. Maybe he sat in an unknown section, but you’re pretty much acquainted with all the parents of your students. Even if some were snobbier than the rest because they wanted their child to have more stage time, you still got to know them out of respect. Quite odd, if you said so yourself.

After deep concentration, the thread triumphantly passed through the eye so you tied the two ends of the thread in a double knot. Seeing as Minji attentively watched you, you tasked her to cut the ribbons of your shoes according to the trail of pencil marks. This was so she wouldn’t cut it too short or too long. While she did that, you hammered your shoes against the floor to soften the hard front, bending the shank back and forth so the arch of your feet could move without difficulty later.

Minji wasn’t expecting such loud sounds, her entire body shaken awake. Her facial expression was priceless, explaining to her, “Once you get your first pointe shoes in a few years, this is one of the basic things you need to do so your feet won’t hurt too much while dancing.”

“Will you be there to teach me how to make my pointe shoes?”

“Absolutely! Come to me first then I’ll mentor you all that I know.”

The process of sewing and breaking new pointe shoes engraved your mind since your adolescent years, with changes along the way. Inspired by some tricks from your former teachers, but there were some differing rituals you followed. There’s no definite process of it, just as long you’re comfortable to dance after.

With your feet, you stepped on the hard boxes of the shoes to soften it more, creating a popping sound. Followed by sewing your elastic bands in. For your ribbons, you liked to burn the edges with a lighter so the thread of it won’t run. Kindly asking your cute assistant for the lighter beside her, you scanned the edges back and forth the flame. In seconds, the edges had a distinct mark, fully closed. From there, you slid your feet to your shoes to make final sewing adjustments. Sewing your ribbons took you another few minutes, plus adding superglue inside the shoe so the shoe won’t collapse when it unstiffens and scratching the shank with a cutter so you won’t slip later while dancing.

Voila, the final product is done! Hopefully, it can last you a week at least.

“Wow, Teacher (Y/N), it looks pretty!” Minji applauded, collecting the mess you’ve both made to dispose of later. You, on the other hand, gave her your thanks once you applied some bandages on your big toes and put on your toe pads. Slipping inside the shoes and tying them, you rose up back to your feet and headed to the bar to break them in. From plies-relevésto forced arches, the shoes gave you the sensation that they were an extension of your feet. The ease flowed through, meaning you were ready to practice your variations.

While you stepped your shoes in rosin for friction, your curious student moved to the front where the mirror lied to watch what you’ve prepared.

“What variation are you dancing to?”

“This is the Gamzatti variation from La Bayadere.” You replied, tapping the play button on your phone and racing to your position on the side. Talking a short ballet walk, you strongly prepared your arms before the music of the orchestra takes off.

This variation consisted of a lot of jumps and turns. Grand jetés, attitude turns, chaîné turns, you needed a lot of core control and proper spotting so you won’t get dizzy. The thrilling music lessened your nerves because you enjoyed learning this piece from one of the principal dancers, smiling and letting the music guide your legs. Once you nailed 3 consecutive grand jetés, the variation ended with a sus-sous and the wrists of your hands flicking upwards.

Holding it for 5 more seconds, you landed back on your feet with heavy breathing and a need for water. But before you could, small claps and cheers from Minji in front erupted. Momentarily, you’ve forgotten her presence because dancing solo puts you in your own space. You’d never let anyone take you away from it.

“Teacher (Y/N), that was wonderful! Are you performing that in the summer recital?”

Yikes, she’s right but she wasn’t meant to see it yet. Solo performances from the company members for the recital were top secret, only unveiled during the production rehearsal. Well, you didn’t think this through, but you didn’t mind.

“Can you keep a secret?”

Time ticked a lot faster today, only 10 minutes left until the company class on the ground floor whereas you were in the second. Just a few steps down the stairs away, yet Minji was still here. You only presumed that within your hour break, her father could’ve made it already. But maybe he’s stuck in traffic or at work.

“Minji, my class starts soon. Have you contacted your father?”

“I already texted him earlier, but he hasn’t responded. This happens often, he’s a busy man.” She bowed in front of you suddenly. “I’m sorry, Teacher (Y/N) for the hassle.”

“Oh no, please!” You shook your hands so she’d stop. Because this situation was relatively new, you were unsure of how to handle it. Or that was until you remembered what Ten texted you earlier. “Minji, the blinds of the main studio are going to be lifted so anyone from the outside can view us practicing. Would you like to watch until your dad gets here?”

With her insistent nodding, she situated herself in one of the seats in the front row. When you entered the main studio, your two close companions already carried a metal barre to the center and leaned towards it while observing you walking to them in your flat shoes.

“I see we have a bit of an audience here.” Ten glimpsed at the young girl, astonished by the many dancers prepping and chatting away with their cliques from the glass barrier.

“Her dad isn’t here yet, and you did say the blinds were up today. Might as well give her a show while she waits, you know.” You lifted your right leg to the top barre, stretching it with your arms.

“Hmmm, shouldn’t her dad be more cautious though? It’s getting late and it’s a Thursday. Doesn’t she have school or something?” Sicheng pointed out, discarding his muscle tee to straighten out his leotard.

“That’s not my business though. She’s just my student, and since she’s still here, I have to entertain her while she waits.”

Before your friends said anything back, the artistic director of the ballet company strutted her way to the center of the room. It’s a common rule here that once she entered, everyone must be silent to listen and race to any free spot in the numerous barres spread out if they haven’t.

“Alright, everyone. We’ll do the typical barre, then before doing across the floor exercises, I’ll be requesting those performing solos already in the recital to dance any variation tonight as another evaluation on who deserves to perform twice.” She eyed the pianist directly beside her. “Proceed first with two demi-pliés then one grand plié. Don’t forget to do the port de bras of each position.”

As the live piano music played, your focus was divided. Partly properly executing the exercise while your artistic director roamed each barre area, partly thinking about what variation to perform. This was a first for the company, and everyone was just stunned to hear the breaking news. It’d be nice to get an extra opportunity to showcase to people your potential.

30-40 minutes flew by quickly. As the guys carried the bars to the side to clear out the floor and the girls changed to their pointe shoes, the artistic director ordered all the performers of the recitals to stand in a line in front of her. Everyone else was seated around the room, so the interested eyes of everyone were on you. There were 10 performers, half are from the corps and the other half are either demi-soloists or soloists. You and Sicheng stood beside each other, internally shaking with nerves under the intimidating eyes of the artistic director. She used to be a principal dancer for the Stuttgart Ballet in Germany before moving back to Seoul, making her undeniably capable of leading all of you.

“Okay,” From her seated position observing the 10 performers, her finger pointed at you directly. “Ms. (Y/L/N) (Y/N), you perform first.”

Your nerves intensified and more sweat streamed out your upper body. Even if going first felt more relieving, no one was ever brave enough to perform individually in front of the esteemed artistic director. Principal dancers aside from Ten that you’re close with were intimidated when they have 1-on-1 or partnering sessions with her. But anyhow, in less than 2 minutes, you’d be done. This wasn’t the first time she’s had your full attention either, so you’ll treat it like the other individual performances you’ve had.

You smiled to yourself when the other soloists left you alone, while you gave the name of the variation you’re dancing to the pianist. Running to the side to put on a practice tutu, the artistic director asked, “What will you be dancing for us tonight, (Y/N)?”

“I’ll be dancing Queen of the Dryads from Don Quixote.”

The last time you did this variation was 3 years ago during the recital that didn’t change your position as a soloist. Even if this variation hurt to think about for a while, it was still one of your favorites to watch and do. Moving on, you could only muse how powerful and beautiful you felt at that time. This isn’t an easy piece to perform in your opinion. Yet according to the members of the company, this was their favorite solo of yours.

As the starting notes unfolded, you took a deep breath and elegantly walked into the frame. You only wished you wore your fake crown again for this. Minimal smiling and light arms, you imagined yourself as an actual queen who captured the eyes of many. In this case, your fellow seniors and juniors held their breaths at the captivating sight of you.

Off you go into a series of glissade jeté developpé on relevé at elevating heights, then a fouetté arabesque and another arabesque on relevé before ballet walking again to the side to dance across the stage. Sissonne to the front, right developpé to the front on relevé, pique to prepare for a single pirouette, you gracefully did a chassé to the front twice and stood on your toes with a sus-sous.

Doing it a few more times, the climax of the entire variation was nearing. Returning to the center, you took another deep breath and lifted your left leg for the Italian fouettés. Spotting to the front and back while maintaining your balance, the variation approached its end with lame duck turns, posing with your arms were positioned at a 45-degree angle, your back slightly arched and your left leg doing a tendu derriére. Your eyes reflected at the mirror in front, surveying your alignment. Once your 5-second hold was finished, you properly put your arms down and closed your back leg into 5th position.

The applause from everyone in the room roared, Ten and Sicheng wolf-whistling even for more support. It’s a usual thing every time any of you perform individually, and no one minded it. The artistic director grinned, giving a quiet clap from the front before calling out the next performer, who was from the corps. Bowing to everyone hastily, you paid more attention to spot your student by the window. She was smiling ear to ear, waving both hands at you.

“You did amazing, Teacher!” She mouthed. Hearing words of praise from members was one thing, but hearing them from students was another. You’re so used to watching them and giving them your compliments that you often forget that you’re a dancer first before a teacher. Seeing them all delighted, saying that it motivates them more, showed that you’re doing a great job teaching them. You’re a reflection of what you pass down, and all you want was for them to be the best they could be.

From her jolly expression, a tall masculine silhouette hovered a part of the window. Her instinct of giving a brighter smile when the hand of said silhouette patted her head then carried her duffel bag again, that could only mean one thing. Excusing yourself to the artistic director, you stepped out to bid your goodbye and maybe meet her father. Minji and the tall man were about to leave the building if it weren’t for your breathy voice calling them out.

“Seo Minji and Mr. Seo?”

They stopped their tracks. Minji was fast to react, familiar with your voice and racing towards you for a sweaty hug. Meanwhile, your focus shifted once the masculine silhouette came into full view. You finally understood why Minji’s growth spurt spiked up, noticing that he was taller than Sicheng.

The top buttons of his shirt were off, yet he kept his formal blazer on. His hair was a bit tousled, some strands falling in front of his forehead. He must’ve run here. Peeking through were some roots of his scruff growing. His eyebags were almost as dark as his brown hair. Yet by the way his Rolex remained spotless, you blatantly assumed that he was more than well-off. Especially when the ballet academy was one of the most prestigious ones in Seoul.

Out of all the parents you’ve met, none of them appeared youthful like him.

“Teacher (Y/N)?” Thanks to Minji, you moved your staring eyes away from him. This was another first, since meeting only the fathers of your students wasn’t your norm. Meeting young-looking fathers, to be specific.

“O-Oh,” You ate your words, suddenly blanking out. “You’re leaving me without saying goodbye, Minji? Not polite of you.”

“My father was rushing right after watching your performance, and I don’t know why.” She responded, her finger scratching the top of her head in confusion. Speaking of said father, his strong presence appeared right in front of you. The wrinkles of his forehead creased while his eyes barely looked at yours.

“Uhm,” His fingers toyed with his Rolex. “I apologize for my tardiness. I got caught up in work and all, plus her nanny le-”

“Mr. Seo.” You halted his rambling, already aware of the situation. Like father, like daughter. “It’s fine. Minji loved watching us practice while waiting, and she wasn’t a bother either. You have nothing to worry about.”

“Phew.” He swiped an imaginative bead of sweat from his forehead, displaying his relief with his playful nature.

At age 23, Johnny Seo started his own company in the fashion scene and it grew internationally in the coming years. Then when Minji unexpectedly joined the picture, he’s been multi-tasking to make ends meet. Lately, as a CEO, he has had meetings and conferences on a daily. So, his position as a single father was always tested. It worsened when he rarely has proper time to spend any time with Minji unless it’s the weekend or late in the evening. Breaking it down, it wasn’t because he didn’t want to meet you. It was more like he couldn’t when his schedules were packed from head to toe.

Having the guilt of taking your precious time, “Seriously though, I am sorry for being late. Her nanny resigned suddenly, and I have no time to find her replacement.”

“Mr. Seo, again, don’t worry about it. As her teacher and a company member, I am practically here 24/7 so it won’t be a nuisance at all if this happens again.”

“Thank you so much, Teacher (Y/N). That is your name, right?” He planted his palm on his forehead, stressed. “Being a single parent is hard. I am always forgetting things.”

A part of you couldn’t restrain from feeling sorry for his struggle. Taking care of a child should be the work of both the mother and father, not one of them being absent. You’ve feared this would harm Minji, but she’s a strong girl.

“The fact you didn’t forget to fetch Minji despite the late time is still something to be happy over. I’m not a parent or anything, but parenting, in general, is a challenge.” You added an insight, patting the head of the young girl beside you. “Cut yourself some slack, Mr. Seo. I’m sure Minji still loves you, right?”

Minji shouted a big yes, now clinging to the leg of her father. “It’s okay, dad. Really.”

Over the years, Johnny has been doubtful of his parenting skills. He was an only child, and he struggled to ask for guidance from his own parents due to the shame of having a kid at a young age. So, he’d ask for help from his other friends and co-workers. No matter how many times they’ve reassured him that he’s doing well, he’s an overthinker who always reflected on the bad scenarios. There’s also that pressure to find someone who can fill that absent position not just for Minji, but for himself too. No matter how many girls he’s asked out or been set up with, he failed in the love department badly.

It’s the soothing way you voiced out your truth that made all these negative thoughts running through his head freeze briefly. Over the past 3 years since Minji started ballet, she always had a great story about you to share. One of them was how ballet made her a lot happier because of your influence. If he had at least an hour of his day to meet any of his daughter’s mentors, it would’ve been you.

“Do feel free to call me Johnny instead.” He casually introduced himself, taking his hand out for you to shake. “Mr. Seo makes me feel like I’m at work right now.”

Despite his informal approach, you understood his intentions and returned the action with a promising smile. “Pleasure to finally meet you, Johnny.”

“Pleasure is all mine, Teacher (Y/N).”

Earlier, the nerves from performing in front of the artistic director died down fast. But for some reason, they rose back up when you’ve spoken to this man in a matter of minutes. As someone whose feelings don’t flourish in a single glance, why did this man specifically deliver you such a strong effect?

If it weren’t for Ten calling for your name by the door, you would’ve held on to Johnny’s hand longer, which would’ve been inappropriate. Letting go first, this was your cue to return to your class.

“I must head back inside, Johnny. Don’t sweat on fetching your daughter late, though she is still a student with school the following day. Right, Minji?”

Minji nodded as Johnny kept that mind, knowing where he has to improve next.  “Yes, Teacher (Y/N). Thank you again, sincerely. I’ll definitely see you again in the coming days until Minji has a new nanny.”

“That’s no problem with me at all, Johnny.”

Soon as Johnny held his daughter’s hand to exit the studio and you were re-entering the studio with an impatient Ten, he swerved swiftly as if he forgot something.

“Oh by the way Teacher (Y/N), I saw your whole performance awhile ago. I was blown away, you deserved the applause.”

Although you could only distinguish his silhouette, you didn’t suppose he watched you from head to toe. Most parents or nannies would’ve dragged their kids out of the studio once they find them like they were on a tight schedule, so this was novel to experience. That performance showed your prime too.

“Thank you, Johnny. See you again soon.”

Giving a final nod, you led yourself back to the studio, not bothering to acknowledge the erupting heat on your cheeks and entire body. Not to sound narcissistic, but compliments weren’t foreign to you. You’re conscious of the hard work that you put in your talent and if they pointed out your greatness, why would you deny it? However, receiving one from Johnny was like gearing your engine with new fuel.

Before you could try to reject these harboring feelings, Ten was fast to pick up on it. You cannot hide anything from this man at all because body language was like another language he’s fluent in (aside from the other 5). Unlucky for you, the saga continued.

“You’re so into dilfs, (Y/N)!” He shrieked in your ear, nudging your shoulder repetitively. He placed things in his own way, yet they always shocked you because it was so inappropriate. Typical Ten for you.

“Shut up, Ten!” You objected, watching the other performers. You’ve improved in ignoring his remarks over time. That was until Sicheng sat down beside you after his solo and got up in your business. That placed you in the middle of boys from the water sign clan of astrology. They just loved getting down to your love life, going raunchy and whatnot.

“Who’s into dilfs, Ten?”

“A Miss (Y/N) beside you, who met Minji’s dad awhile ago, was basically eye-fucking him.” Ten elaborated, planting his elbows on your leg and gave you a sneaky glare. “Minji’s dad is fine as fuck, guys! I’m telling you, like a literal god! I’m surprised this is the first time he showed up here after 2-3 years?”

“How come (Y/N) is always getting students with good-looking parents? Especially the single moms.” Sicheng slumped his shoulders, attempting to get your attention too. “Is he that hot, (Y/N)?”

“Yah.” Sighing with annoyance, you’ve given up trying to appreciate one of the corps dancers with her rendition of Dulcinea from Don Quixote. “Don’t speak of Johnny like that. You barely know the man, yet you talk about him so unprofessionally."

“Oh, Johnny is his name, huh?” Sicheng sing-songed, bobbing his head. He’s certainly going to stalk him later on social media, you felt it in your chest. Like it was ESPN or something.

“Talking about being unprofessional, yet you’re here referring him as Johnny, not Mr. Seo.” Ten barked back, his lips pursed and one eyebrow lifted.

Just as soon as you could retaliate, the artistic director’s velvety voice boomed the room.

“Alright, thank you to the performers. I will deliberate with the staff and principal dancers over the weekend, and let you know the results on Monday. Now please, let’s proceed to the center.”

Everyone began to spread out on the wide floor, snatching a good position so they could monitor themselves in the mirror. Maybe you’ll defend yourself later after class because now, you needed to beat everyone else and have a crystal-clear view of yourself doing these following exercises.

In the meantime, Johnny was in the middle of driving Minji home. He had a designated chauffeur, but he gave him the night off because he wanted to spend time with Minji. Around this time, she’d be sleeping soundly, but instead, she’s boosting with so much life. She hasn’t even eaten dinner yet, which was the first thing on Johnny’s agenda now.

Playing Coldplay in the car, Minji belted some lyrics from her favorite songs while Johnny smiled to himself while listening to her attentively. Taking a breath, her thoughts reverted to her fantastic ballet teacher and shared them with her father.

“Dad! Don’t you just think Teacher (Y/N) is so cool? Ugh, I want to be just like her when I grow up.”

“Oh, to become a ballerina like her, you have to work hard every day and memorize lessons fast. Are you up for it, Minji?”

“Absolutely, dad! I want to pull off perfect jumps and turns like her one day!”

In the other after-school activities Johnny enrolled Minji in the past, none of them compared to the passion she had for ballet. Her work ethic was alike to Johnny’s: if they want something, they’ll do whatever it takes to make it possible.

Aside from being a star student in her school, she’s aiming to be a star ballerina. Being the supportive father he is, Johnny was on board to do what it takes to make it happen. Unlike his parents trying to mold him into the next heir of their company, he’s all ears to the dreams of his daughter. His only dream for her was to be live long and happy, not to merely pass on anything.

Johnny lost so much in his young life, so he doesn’t want to lose Minji in any way. As much as he loves his profession, he wanted to be an active father as much as time allowed it. He mostly received complaints from others that he’s not prioritizing his time well, but after hearing your kind words, this heavy weight on his shoulders decreased. All this doubt started to vanish after meeting you for the first time.

“Dad! Isn’t Teacher (Y/N) so beautiful?” Minji honored whilst gazing at the twinkling night sky. “She loves what she does and shines at it.”

Johnny was accustomed to his female co-workers throwing themselves at him due to his attractiveness, more than flattered even to have them feeling weak for him. Yes, there were times he used it to his advantage, some he frankly turned down. 

However, the radiance you carried whether you’re dancing or not was something Johnny couldn’t cease wondering about. Unknown to him, he’s the one getting weak. Behold, an unlocked first for the confident CEO.

“Yes, Minji. I do think Teacher (Y/N) is absolutely beautiful.”

[inkandpen22]

The Princess and The Pogue (pt. 5)

Pairing: JJ x Female!Reader / Topper x Female!Reader

Word Count: 4.7k

Warnings: swearing, violence, mild smut

Part Summary: You and Topper make amends. You two attend the end of the summer bonfire at the Boneyard. When JJ sees you guys together, things take a turn for the worst. 

Masterlist

Somehow, after hours of crying, you finally fell asleep on your bed. You're not quite sure when it happened. Your covers tucked nicely under you, wet from your tears. When you first got home, you immediately snuck up to your room, far from your parents. You ripped off your Labor Day dress, having already hated it, but you also took your aggression out on it. You changed in one of Topper's T-shirts that you stole sometime last summer... when you were hooking up. You had never been so close. Morning, noon, and night you were together. You were practically dating but without the titles. Actually, it was far deeper than that. You spent almost every hour together, you co-existing. You were acting married even though you were only teenagers. You guys just loved each other that much. If someone had told you then that a year from now you two wouldn't be talking, you would've thought they were crazy. 

“Y/N!" You hear Topper in your dreams.  "Y/N!" He repeats, then you process it's real. 

"What the-" You rise from your laid position and spot the boy climbing in from your window in the dark. "Topper?" 

"Hey! Sorry to scare you," he apologizes as he rises to his feet from a crawling position on your floor. 

"Did you climb through the window?" You question, this wouldn't be the first time, but it nevertheless is mind-boggling to you how he can climb up the side of your house. 

"Yeah, can you tell your mom to not have the gardeners cut the vines so short?" He complains with a chuckle, brushing down his Patagonia shirt. 

"What are you doing here?" You yawn. Considering what he said to you just hours before, you can't help but wonder why the fuck he's here. 

"I... I need to apologize," he stammers, taking a seat on the edge of your bed just by your legs. "Y/N, I'm so sorry! I was such a jerk to you earlier. I shouldn't have-" 

Before he can even finish, you leap at him, pulling him into a pleading hug. "Jesus, I'm so happy you're here," you whisper against his shoulder. 

Topper instantly wraps his arms around you, engulfing you. He releases a deep breath, not having realized until this moment that he couldn't breathe the entire time you weren't talking. "I've missed you!" He pulls back and brushes his hand across your cheek, bringing your hair back. "I missed you the moment you left!" He wears a smile of relief as his eyes glisten with tears threatening to fall. 

"Never let me go again," you mutter, almost as a beg. 

"I could never. I didn't," Topper explains in a rushed whisper, gripping your waist. "As soon as you left I was a mess, ask the boys! They had to talk me off a cliff. I came by earlier but your parents said you were still at Kiara's... which I'm guessing you were with JJ and the other Pogues..." His face falters and he avoids your gaze at the mention of JJ. 

You bring your hand up and tuck your fingers under his chin, guiding him to look at you. His eyes meet you with defeat and it nearly breaks your heart. "JJ drove me back to John B's, but I had Sarah drive me home almost as soon as we got there." 

"So you and JJ..." He can't bring himself to ask. 

"We..." Your brows scrunch together as you realize you never really discussed it. "You know what, I didn't even know." Enough about JJ, you're just happy that Topper is here! You felt so empty all day, in a constant state of panic. Now, you can exist again. "I'm just relieved you're here, Top. I've felt sick to my stomach all day," you release a breathless laugh of relief. 

"No, yeah you're right, no one else matters," he shakes his head, reaching for your hand on his cheek and taking it in his hands. "As long as we're good then everything else will be okay." He lifts your hand to his lips and gives them a needy kiss. 

"Stay with me?" You ask softly as he does. 

You see him swallow hard, pausing with your hand his lips. His eyes flicker up to yours with a mixture of surprise and admiration. "I was hoping you'd ask." A faint grin appearing on the edge of his lips. 

You and Topper get ready for bed as you used to every night when he snuck into your room a lot more. You've shared a bed since breaking off your... arrangement. There was the ski trip and Bermuda, but on random nights when he couldn't sleep or missed you, Topper would find himself in your bed. You pull back your blankets, knowing to get on the side closest to the window, away from the door. Topper didn't need to think twice to move to the opposite side because ever in the case of an emergency, he's the closest to the door. He's always thinking of how to keep you safe and satisfied. As you climb in, Topper begins to remove his t-shirt and shorts. You can't help but watch as his clothes become a pile on his side. It's months since you two have done anything, but that doesn't mean you haven't thought about it. There have been opportunities, but you always try to be responsible and remember why you stopped. Topper doesn't notice your staring and wondering what it would feel like to run your fingers down his chest. He climbs in next to you and immediately guides you into his side. Instantly, you feel secure and wanted, which is all anyone ever needs. He brushes his fingertips up and down your spine gently while you rest your cheek against his bare chest. It's not a new feeling to you, but it certainly never gets old. 

"There's a bonfire tomorrow at the Boneyard, wanna go together?" The boy asks, glancing down at you. 

"As long as Rafe doesn't go wild as he did," you snicker, but you mean what you say. 

"Don't worry about him, we had a nice long chat once he sobered up this afternoon," he insinuates and you wish you would've seen Topper go off on him. Then, you comprehend that it might've only happened because Topper was mad at you and Rafe was getting the side effects. 

"He doesn't deserve you, Top." You mutter, lifting your head off his chest to place a quick kiss on his chest. 

"That's how I feel about myself with you," he confesses as he peers down at you. "You've always been there for me. When Sarah cheated, you were right there and pulled me through it. The way I spoke to you this morning. I-" 

"No, no, don't say that," you shake your hand repeatedly as you cup his cheek as you did before. He leans into your touch and you find yourself wishing to be closer to him, as though that's even possible. "I love you, Top. You're my best friend. I'll always be there for you. You've helped me in more ways than you could ever realize." 

"I love you too, Y/N," he smiles, leaning down and placing a kiss on your forehead. "So much..." he whispers against your skin. 

His eyes flicker down to your neck and you remember last night in the kitchen. You brush your hand across Topper's cheek, pulling his focus back to you. His eyes and features falter at the evidence of JJ on you. 

"I'm here with you! Okay? It's you and me," you try to emphasize. 

He nods slowly, still feeling an ache in his chest, but relieved to have you in his arms. You're it for Topper. He would do anything for you, drop anyone for you, nothing is too much. You alone are what drives him and are the reason he wakes up in the morning. He would never admit it aloud out of guilt, but when he was with Sarah, he always compared her to you. He doesn't fully know why he dated her, maybe because he felt you slipping away when you realized that you no longer wanted to hook up. He couldn't lose you so he tried to replace you, but he quickly realized that was impossible. No one could be you. 

_____________________________________

Topper woke up before you and let you sleep, pondering having you in his arms. Your legs entangled in his, your arm across his chest along with your cheek. In the light, he finally notices you wearing his shirt. A faint smile forms on his lips at the sight. He has you here with him, not with JJ or Rafe or anyone else who's pining after you. You're his. 

You've spent the entire day together on Topper's boat. It couldn't have been more perfect. The hours slipped by without either of you two noticing. Topper has been energized and enthusiastic about everything, all because he has you back. Around ten, you and Topper arrive at the Boneyard for the final bonfire of the summer. You wear distressed white short shorts over a black tank bodysuit with a matching black Chanel belt. All finished with the pearl earrings Topper gave you for Christmas last year.  

Topper keeps you close, his arm around your waist as you walk toward the crowd of teenagers. "I'm so lucky." 

You peer up at the boy with a giggle. "Why?" 

"I have the most beautiful girl in the OBX at my side," he flirts. 

You turn your attention ahead, struggling to hide your blushing. "You sound like Rafe." 

Topper steps around to walk backward in front of you. He locks his fingers through the loops of your shorts and pulls you into his chest. "At least he and I agree on something." He grins, resting his hands on your hips. 

You playfully roll your eyes but find it hard to hide your amusement. "You're such a cheese ball." 

"I'm gonna go get us some drinks," he announces before planting a quick peck to your temple. 

You nod, stepping back toward the shore as Topper holds onto your hands until the last minute. "Okay, I'll find us a spot by the water." 

"Be right there," he winks, offering you a mischievous smirk. 

For a second, you watch Topper jog off to the stack of coolers by the cement wall. Is it possible to be too dependent on someone? You know that if you and Topper stopped talking completely that you wouldn't physically die, but emotionally it would destroy you. You smile, knowing that you two will grow closer because of your fight. It taught you a valuable lesson. It took losing Topper for you to fully comprehend how much you need him. Turning on your heels, you head toward a log facing the shore. It's far enough from the chaos to give you and Topper some privacy, but close enough to still be included in the festivities. You two are both social butterflies, but today has been about you two and you want to keep it that way. You sit down on the log, content watching the small waves crashing against the sand just a few feet away. The light of the moon shimmers on the water, making it looks like lines of crystal. 

"Want a drink, Princess?" A familiar voice asks over your shoulder 

You glance up to see a 

"Wow, you look extra Kooky tonight," he remarks under his breath as he brings his cup to his mouth. 

You glare at him. "What's that supposed to mean?" 

"Let's play a game!" He blurts out. "How many items that Y/N is wearing are designer?"

You roll your eyes, realizing how drunk he is because JJ isn't like this. "How much have you had to drink?" 

"Just the right amount!" He answers swiftly before moving on. "My guess is all of them, but I can't be too sure. You'll have to take off your clothes so I can check what's underneath." 

"You wanna sit for a second? Maybe cool down a bit?" You offer, gesturing to the space beside you. 

His expression shifts from carefree to hurt. "Why do you care?" 

"JJ..." You sigh, peering up at the boy with immense guilt. 

"What?!" He tosses his arms up at his sides, losing some of his drink in the process. "You come here with Prince Charming, acting all coupley!" 

 "It's not like that-" You try to explain calmly. 

"Not according to Sarah!" He counters in a shout. You nervously check over at the crowd, making sure no one heard him burst. "You two planning your next trip to Bermuda?!" 

"What!" You whip your head back around toward JJ. "What did Sarah tell you?!" You fly up to your feet, stepping toward him defensively. 

"Did you sleep with him?!" JJ yells again and you're sure others heard him this time. 

"Excuse me?" You gasp at his audacity. 

"After you left John B's, did you go and find him?!" He elaborates with a breathless laugh. He steps closer to you, getting in your face. He doesn't care if others listen or if he's making you uncomfortable. "After you kissed me and slept in my bed, did you go and sleep with Topper?!" 

Abruptly, you feel a hand pressed to your back and see JJ being shoved backyard. 

"Hey! Back off man!" Topper growls, suddenly at your side. 

JJ catches himself from falling after a second of stumbling. "Oh and here he is now!" He laughs, tossing his cup to the side. "Your knight in shining armor!" 

"I think you should go, man!" Topper warns between his teeth. 

Topper's arm slips around you and grips your waist protectively. You watch JJ as he glares at Topper's arm around you. 

"Don't "man" me, alright! Touch me again and you'll lose a hand!" JJ threatens. 

"JJ!" John B calls for his friend as he runs toward you from down the beach. Kiara, Pope, and Sarah are close behind him. When JJ doesn't react. John B shouts again. JJ! Come on, let's go back over to the fire." 

"No! Not until she answers me!" JJ screams, yanking his arm free. 

Pope, Kiara, and Sarah watch in distress as JJ and Topper go back and forth. None of you are sure what to do. 

"Answer what!" Topper barks, stepping toward JJ defensively. You grab his arm, keeping him back. 

"Oh, I'm sorry! Is your name Y/N?" JJ laughs mockingly. "That Kook Academy doesn't do you guys any favors for your intelligence does it?" 

Pope steps around to block off his friend. "Just cool down, buddy!" 

"I knew you were Kook, Y/N, but I would've never marked you as slut," JJ shouts at you over Pope's shoulder. 

Topper breaks free of your hold, charging at JJ. John B grabs Pope and yanks him out of Topper's way. Now block-less, JJ runs at Topper. His face is red with aggravation. You could've never imagined seeing JJ look so enraged. The person he was with you the other night was entirely different. He was kind, gentle, understanding. You don't recognize him. Topper shoves JJ hard enough to make the boy fall back onto the sand. 

Topper tackles JJ into the ankle-deep water, immediately punching him in the jaw. The two grunt, struggling to get the upper hand. John B attempts to pull Topper off. 

"Topper!" You yell desperately. 

"JJ!" Kiara yells from the sidelines. 

"Enough!" John B barks at the pair as Pope runs to assist. 

The crowd by the bonfire starts to figure out what's going on a few yards away and rush over to watch. Pogues and Kooks each cheer for their fighter. Kelce and Rafe show up, pushing through the crowd to help out their friend. 

"Topper! Get off of him!" You plead as your best friend continues to press JJ's head under the water. 

JJ manages to punch Topper in the cheek, making the boy lose his balance for a second. Despite hating each other, Kelce and Rafe try to help out John B and Pope. 

"Guys! Quit!" Kelce commands, pulling at Topper. 

"Top, you'll kill him!" Sarah screams from beside Kiara. 

You want to go stand with them, but at this moment you're not sure if they want anything to do with you. Sarah and Kiara are Pogues. You're not just Y/N right now, their friend. You're a Kook during this Kook vs. Pogue fight. 

The boys manage to yank Topper off of JJ. The blonde Pogue flies up from beneath the surface, gasping for air. Topper falls back onto the sand in a seated position. Topper continues to fist JJ's collar and as he's shoved off, ripping JJ's shirt down the front. You notice the large purple and blue bruise on JJ's chest and freshly heeling cut down his neck to his collar bone. JJ frantically reaches behind himself, searching for something. Then, things take a turn for the worst when he whips out a gun. The crowd that watched the fight with amusement now scatters in a panic. 

"Woah! Woah! Woah!" Topper's eyes grow wide as he starts to scoot back, holding up a hand pleadingly. 

Kelce and Rafe bolt away, John B and Pope rush out words, trying to calm JJ down. 

"JJ!" John B yells at his friend. "What the hell?!" 

"Oh my god!" Sarah's hands fly up to her mouth. 

"That's right! Bet you didn't think I had that did ya?" JJ grins wickedly at Topper. 

"Topper!" Kelce attempts to collect his friend but halts when JJ points the gun at him. 

"Everyone back off!" JJ orders, rising to his feet, returning the gun's point toward Topper. 

Without a second thought, you sprint across the sand. You slide in front of Topper, the waves splashing against you. 

"Y/N! No!" Topper screams as soon as you land in JJ's path. 

"Y/N!" Sarah and Kiara shout your name in unison. 

JJ hesitates when his eyes land on you. You see him lower the gun a little and Kelce takes the opportunity to pull Topper from the scene. 

"JJ please..." you beg of him. 

Your heart is racing, but you're certain JJ won't hurt you. Despite his evident pain and anger toward you, he won't do it. You remember the boy from the other night, the one who spoke to you with such admiration. That boy wouldn't harm you. You know he's in there beneath this tough facade. 

"Y/N! Come on!" Rafe wraps his fingers around your arm and drags you away. 

While he's distracted by you, John B swiftly steals the gun from JJ's hand and begins ushers him away to their circle of friends. The Pogues swarm JJ, all talking over each other. 

 Rafe frantically cups your face, checking on you. "Y/N! Y/N, are you okay?"

"I'm fine..." You mutter, glancing over your shoulder, watching John B talk to JJ down the beach. 

"No cuts? Scrapes?" Rafe panics. 

"No..." You shake your head absent-mindedly as you’re too distracted by observing JJ. 

"Are you okay?" Kiara checks on JJ worriedly as you watch from a distant. 

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine!" JJ rushes out, still agitated. "Fuck this man!" He swears, then his eyes land on yours with surprise. He hand’t expected you to be listening or even care. 

You two stare each other from across the beach. Guilt consumes his features and sympathy breaks you apart as your vision lands on the wounds covering JJ’s torso. Rafe brings you over to Kelce who has Topper catching his breath against a tree. 

"Dude's fucking nuts, man!" Kelce curses, all fidgety beside you. 

As soon Topper sees you coming, he pushes himself off the tree and rushes to you. His arms engulf you as he presses you to his chest. 

He squats down to be at your level, cupping your face in his hands. “You’re so stupid, Y/N! You just jumped in front of a gun! Why would you do that?!” 

“Because it was pointed at you!” You justify desperately. 

Topper's eyes soften. “You’d risk your life for me?! Are you crazy?!” A soft, breathless, laugh escapes him. 

“Of course I would you idiot!” You remark with frustration. How could he possibly think you wouldn't? You'd do anything for the boy. 

“God, I love you so much," he mutters, placing a hand on either side of your head and planting a kiss on your forehead. 

“Are you sure you’re not hurt anywhere?” You check his body in a panic. 

“Yes, yes I’m okay!” He assures you. “Let’s get out of here before things get crazy again." 

Your eyes grow wide. “Agreed!” 

He looks over at you and Topper doting on each other. It makes him even more pissed off. "Great! Go baby him! Tend to your Kook Prince, you Princess!" He yells across the beach. 

John B covers his friend's mouth. "Shut up, JJ!" 

"Jesus JJ!" Pope huffs under his breath. 

You and Topper snap your heads in JJ's direction. As a result, Topper pulls you into his side securely. 

“We'll text you guys later!” Kelce calls out to you both as he and Rafe start backing toward their cars. 

“Stay close to me,” Topper slips his into yours, giving it a tight squeeze. “I’m never letting that psycho Pogue anywhere near you again!” 

When you arrive at Topper's car, he opens your door for you. He keeps a sharp eye on the Pogues that remain on the beach. When John B or any of them glance our way, he glares daggers in their direction. Once you climb in, Topper reaches in and begins to buckle your seat belt as though you were a toddler in a car seat. 

“Topper I think I can put on my own seat belt,” you 

“I know, Sweetheart. I’m just..." he stops his action, kneeling beside you. "I guess I’m still a little scared. I was so afraid when that gun was pointed at you, I... I couldn’t breathe. I can never lose you, Y/N,” he rushes out, becoming emotional. 

Your emotions become bottled up as a lump in your throat. You rub your fingers through Topper's hair and plant a kiss on his forehead. His hands glide around your waist to your back, hugging you needly. His head rests against your chest as you cradle it. 

Abruptly, he breaks from you as a thought pops into his mind. “Promises me that if there’s any dangerous situation like that again, you run!" He instructs sternly. "You don’t do anything reckless for my sake!” 

You shake your head frantically, already rejecting his words. “You would’ve done the same thing for me! You basically did!” You justify. 

“I’m seriously Y/N!" Topper stands his ground. Eagerly, he takes removes your hands from his hair and squeezes them in his own. "I could never live with myself if something happened to you! Never again!” 

You want to argue with him on it, claim that if he's going to be protective of you that he must understand that you'll be the same. Yet, nothing escapes you. Instead, you simply nod, not wanting to fight at this moment. 

He nods, satisfied by your compliance. “I love you, you know that right?” 

You nod. “I love you too, Topper." 

_________________________________________

JJ fell into a dark abyss of self-deprecation and destruction after the bonfire. The Pogues all drove back to John B's, but as soon as they got there JJ disappeared as he did the day before. All they can do is wonder where he goes. If they knew that he was at the bar searching for his dad half drunk, they would be stopping a second fight for the day. 

JJ can't help but feel responsible for it all. One minute he has you. You're right there. The next, you're gone, in the arms of Topper of all people. He wants to know if anything from the other night was real for you. Was he just a game to you? You're the Princess of the OBX, you can have anything you want, including JJ if you asked. Is that what happened? You wanted him for a night and then got bored and went back to your fellow Kook. He wishes he hadn't let you down. He wishes you were here. He wishes that he could hold you again and feel you in his arms. Waking up next to you was the best moment in his life and he fears he'll never feel that sort of peace again. 

______________________________________________________

You Topper spend the night at his house, too afraid to be apart. Late into the night, Topper struggles to fall asleep as he holds you. Your back is pressed to his chest as his hands rest against you underneath his shirt you're wearing. Every time he tries to close his eyes, he envisions what could've happened tonight. You could've been shot. Topper could never live with himself if anything happened to you. Moving slowly to not wake you, he rolls onto his back and reaches toward the nightstand for his phone. He begins to scroll through social media and text messages, responding in the group chat between you, Kelce, Rafe, and himself. You've all agreed to go to lunch tomorrow at the Club with some other Kooks from the bonfire. 

You stir next to Topper, making the boy pause for a second. When you roll over still asleep and curl into him, a wave of relief rushes over Topper. 

“Go back to sleep,” you yawn. 

Topper jumps at the sudden sound of your voice. “Shit... sorry Beautiful, I didn’t mean to wake you.” 

“I’ve been awake. I could feel you overthinking," you whisper, scooting closer into his side. 

“You could feel me thinking?” He repeats with a hint of confusion.

You hum, as it makes perfect sense to you. You hear the sound of Topper pushing his phone back onto the side table. He rests his now free hand over your arm that lays across him. After a couple of minutes, you can still feel the tension radiating from him. 

“I’m okay, Topper,” you tell him to ease his nerves. 

“I know, I can’t just help but review the course of events in my head. What if he didn’t hesitate? What if his hand slipped? What if-“ 

“Enough!” You fly up to prop yourself up on your elbow. You stare down at the worried boy with sympathy. "You’re okay! I’m okay! What’s done is done and all we can do is be safe from now on. We’re safe!” You reach up and comb your fingers through the side of his hair. “Okay? It’s just you and me here.” 

Impulsively, Topper extends his neck and slams his lips to yours. You sit stunned as the kiss rides out its course. You and Topper go months without anything intimate and within two days, he's kissed you twice, breaking every ruled you two have made. When you don't react, Topper breaks from you with a startled expression, as if he wasn't comprehending his actions. 

“Y/N, I'm sorry! I-“ 

Before Topper can finish his sentence, you press your lips to his hungrily. You're not sure why, but you need him. Topper is your kryptonite, the bittersweet reality in your life. Forgetting his regret, Topper immediately sits up, resting against his headboard. You take the opportunity to straddle his torso and he keeps you steady with his hands on your hips. It's been ages since you've made out, but it's like riding a bike for you two. You know what each other likes and what gets the other going. 

"I've missed you so much," Topper whispers against your jawline as he moves down to leave marks on your neck. He aggressively attacks your sensitive skin where evidence of JJ remains. Deep down in the back of your mind, you know Topper is parking his territory for JJ to see later. Your skin has become a battleground for the two. "I've missed this." 

"Me too," you pant, silently wondering if you truly mean it in the same sense as him. 

Though you chose to kiss Topper back and want to, you can’t understand why JJ’s face enters your mind the moment you do. As you deepen the kiss with Topper, you chase the sensation he’s giving you. You're addicted to the way he makes you feel, it's familiar and reminds you of a time when you were carefree. Yet, your thoughts remain fixated on JJ. You want Topper, but all you can think about is JJ. 

__________________________

Masterlist

Tags: @starkeythinker @bethii1 @thegunnerkelly@cc13723things @hockeybabe87 @jolomez

[multistan-kpopwritings]

I'm Never Leaving

➟ pairing(s): Exboyfriend; Jae Beom and Reader

➟ genre(s): Angst... maybe? Cute Fluff

➟ word count: 2.2K

➟ warnings: Jerk ex boyfriend

You sat down at your kitchen table and set your laptop up to finish some work. As you looked over a sales report, your laptop began to signal someone was calling you on Skype. You would typically decline the call this late; however, the name caught your attention. It had been at least 2 years since you've heard from your ex. You battled with the decision to accept the call. Sadly, curiosity got the best of you and you did accept.

"Wow, hi Y/N," Luke, your ex said, "I have to admit I wasn't expecting you to accept." He smiled that old smile at you and ran his hands through his hair. You smiled and studied his face. In the last two years, he hasn't changed much. His hair was longer, but he still wore band t-shirts and a leather jacket. You'd be willing to bet he had those ripped jeans and biker boots too.

"That makes both of us," you admitted, "What's up?" You wanted to get straight to the point. He laughed and rested his arms on the surface in front of him.

"That's my Y/N," he grinned, "Always so serious."

His words made you mad. Was mad even the right word? Maybe angry, furious, infuriated, irate, or raging would have been more appropriate. How could he say you were 'his' after the way he threw you away like trash, with such little disregard.

You always had a rocky relationship with Luke. There were always kind words, then side glances with jealousy, fighting, and then make-up sex. You never knew where you stood in the relationship. Calling it a relationship was even a stretch. If you spent the night at his place, he was always careful to make sure he got you out before his roommates were up. He held all the power and loved to remind you. The last few months of the relationship seemed like a dream. Luke was kinder and more considerate. You craved something more from him, and it seemed like you were finally getting it.

The final straw was the morning after a party his friend threw. You spent the night so you didn't have to drive home so late. When you woke to leave in the early morning hours, Luke reached for you and asked you to stay. Your heart finally let go and you thought it was something special. Ha, right.

It was about 8:30 that morning when you woke again. Silently, you went to the kitchen for breakfast. His roommate, Josh, was already in there. He smiled at you after taking in your appearance.

"I wondered if one of you would be in here soon," he commented. He waved a spoon at you. "I'm glad this is becoming more of a regular thing. I like having you around." He returned to his cereal. "I didn't think he would settle down. You're good for him." You smiled to yourself and grabbed a bowl. The sound of Luke's bedroom door announced he was awake.

Luke dragged himself to the table and sat down. He was not a morning person. You instinctively grabbed a coffee mug and poured a cup. You knew he liked black coffee, so setting the mug in front of Luke, you kissed his cheek. There was no thank you, just a groan of annoyance.

You sat between the two men and took a few bites of your cereal. "Hey Luke," you began, "Do you think you could stop by my apartment today and help me move some furniture?" He glared at you over the mug and snorted.

"You don't think I could have just one day for me," he growled. The tone of his voice made you shrink back. He didn't remove his eyes from you.

"Sorry," you whispered, "I didn't think it would take so long." You got up and placed your bowl in the sink and walked back to the bedroom. You couldn't understand what you said to trigger that response.

"Dude," Josh scolded, "Harsh. You don't need to talk to her like that."

"I'll say what I want, how I want," Luke scoffed, "Not like she's my girlfriend." Those words sliced right through your chest. You leaned against the closed door and squeezed your eyes shut.

"You're such a dumbass," Josh hissed, "What if she hears you? Can't you give her a little respect?"

"Respect? Why? She doesn't respect herself," Luke reasoned, "Why should I? It's not like she'll leave me for someone else." That was all you needed to hear. He was right.

You quickly dressed and grabbed your keys. You tried and failed to fix your makeup that streaked your face from last night. Taking a steadying breath, you opened the door and made your way through the apartment with your head held high to the elevator; however, the sounds of Luke calling your name were hard to resist. It took all your energy to not turn and give in. He wanted to see respect, this was it. Until the elevator doors closed, then it was a mess. You barely made it home before you slid down the door, sobbing.

It took some time for you to realize you made the right decision, but you took new skill classes to keep you busy and dove headfirst into work. It was about a month before you were rewarded by fate. You were offered a new position in another country. Your supervisor had noticed how your work improved and felt you would be a valuable resource when opening this new branch.

For a few weeks, once a week Luke would stop by. He'd bang on the door and demand you answer, or call you repeatedly and leave messages with I miss you or I'm sorry. You don't know how long he tried to contact you. Once you moved, you changed your phone number and deleted your social media.

Now here you were again, looking at the reason for your pain and misery, but also success and happiness. You shook your head at the man on the screen and sighed. "Like I said Luke, what do you need?" You repeated your question, slightly annoyed. You studied his face while he searched for words. It looks like he hasn't slept in a while and a few deep lines frame his eyes.

"I ran into one of your friends last week," he started, "I asked about you and had to see if what they said was true." His eyes met yours and he took a deep breath. "How's work," he questioned?

"Work is great," you smiled, "They put me in charge of the sales analysis team." If he spoke to your friend, you knew what was coming. He wasn't calling for small talk about work. As if on cue, you heard a set of keys in your door. Luke must have heard them too, he sat straighter in his chair and tried to tame his unruly hair.

"Hey dove," a deep mellow voice called, "Where are you?" You turned your head to the sound and smiled. Jae Beom appeared in the kitchen with two bags in his hands. "I knew you would have your nose in some report. I picked up your favorite take-out." He placed the bags on the counter and started looking for plates and utensils.

"So it is true," Luke spoke up, "This is him?"

Jae Beom spun quickly, he was surprised by another man's voice. He made his way to your side and tilted his head to the computer. He leaned close to your ear and whispered in Korean. "Who is this? Is he a colleague?" You cupped his face with your hand and kissed his lips softly.

"This is Luke," you replied in Korean. Jae Beom raised his eyebrows and glared at the screen. He knew the stories and hated this man without even knowing him. You squeezed his arm and assured him that this would be quick. He excused himself from the room but didn't go more than two steps from the threshold. He leaned against the wall just outside, intent to make sure this didn't get out of hand.

"You could have at least stuck to English," Luke scoffed, "That was rude." You rolled your eyes and laughed. "So that's your boyfriend, huh?"

"Not boyfriend," you corrected, "He's my fiancé." You flashed your ring to the camera. "He proposed last month." Luke chewed the inside of his mouth. He narrowed his eyes on you.

"I know you hate me," he started, "But you can't marry him. I made a mistake. I need you." Jae Beom heard these words and he almost charged in to break your laptop. Your voice stopped him before he made a mistake.

"You're kidding me right," you asked Luke, "Have you lost your mind?" You took a deep breath "I don't hate you," you paused, unbeknownst to you, both men stiffened, "I did, but not anymore." You tucked some stray hair behind your ear. "You hurt me so much, and with such ease. You took from me my self-worth and importance. I felt like I was nothing. After I left you, I was so broken and afraid of everything." You paused trying to find the right words.

Jae Beom closed his eyes and leaned his head on the wall again. He remembered when you were like that. He met you just a few months after you moved to Korea. You were so unsure of everything. It broke his heart to remember you like that.

"I had to pick myself back up and rebuild what you broke," you continued, "What I let you break. So, no, I don't hate you. I hate that I let you do it. That I wasn't strong enough to see that I was so much more." You looked in the direction Jae Beom left earlier. "You know," you smiled, "I should thank you. I thrived after you." You laughed again. "I can't even take all the credit for what I've become. Jae met me when I was broken and trying to piece it all back together." You smiled fondly, and little did you know so did Jae Beom. "He was patient, kind, thoughtful, and loving," you narrowed your eyes to the man on the screen, "Everything you weren't. He helped me without hesitation or expecting something in return. Because of you, I knew what love wasn't. Because of him, I know what it is."

Jae Beom's chest tightened. He wanted to run in and kiss you. You had become such a strong woman, and he loved you more each day.

"I was stupid," Luke admitted, "I should have been better with you. For you." He fiddled with his hands. "I just wanted to see if there was a chance for us again. I haven't found someone like you, ever. I miss you."

"I'm sorry, Luke," you said, "There is no us. There never was. It was only you and me. Never us. I'm going to marry Jae Beom, and there is nothing in this world that you can say to change my mind. I'm happier than I could ever imagine." Luke opened his mouth to object, but you cut him off. "Goodbye Luke," you said quickly, "I hope you find what you're looking for. With someone else, that is." You ended the call and closed the laptop. You crossed the room and finished grabbing the plates Jae Beom left behind.

"You can come back in," you called over your shoulder, "I know you're still there." You heard the soft footsteps approach you from behind, then the smell of sandalwood. You inhaled deeply and smiled. Jae Beom wrapped his arms around your waist and rested his head on your shoulder, placing feather-soft kisses on your neck.

"Are you ok," he asked, "That must have been a surprise." You hummed as you set the plate on the counter. Spinning in his arms, you let him push you against the counter. You wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him in closer for a kiss on the lips. Then another on his nose.

"That was nothing," you said, "Just a bump in the road." Jae Beom pulled you closed and rested his forehead against yours. "I love you," you whispered, "So, so much." You rubbed your nose against him, giving a small giggle. "Are you hungry?" Jae Beom chuckled.

"I love you too, Dove," he murmured against your lips. He had your body pressed flush against his. His hands firmly gripped your hips. "Jump," he said firmly. Effortlessly, he guided you to sit on the counter in front of him. You wrapped your legs around his waist and pulled him closer. He slipped his hands under your shirt and rubbed small circles on your back.

"The food is getting cold," you giggled. He hummed as he pulled you in for a kiss again. He bit your lip between his teeth and growled. Your fingers tugged his hair and pulled his lips from yours. He had a mischievous glint in his eyes as he pulled you off the counter. You squealed and held on to him tighter.

"It'll be ok," he laughed, "We can warm it up later." He peppered you with kisses. "I have a craving for something much sweeter." You groaned at his innuendo and faked a look of annoyance. He tsked at you as he kicked the bedroom door closed. He laid back on the bed, leaving you straggling his waist. "If you're not interested, I can let you go." He crossed his arms behind his head with a smug smile.

"Shut up," you slapped his chest, "I'm not going anywhere. Ever."

"Good," he smiled, "I wasn't letting go any way."

[solinarimoon]

Fields of Wildflowers , Chapter 13

Fields of Wildflowers 

Chapter 13

A Sihtric x OC story

Previous chapters. | My masterlist

AN: Firstly, apologies for not updating or posting any original content for a few weeks.  I was on vacation and taking a small personal break.  But rest assured that this story will be concluded and that I have other content and other OC’s I will write for when this story is done.  So thank you for your patience and continued reading and support!  My timeline for events during the siege in Winchester is different from the show.  I almost combined this chapter with the events for the next one but they would have been too long.  Also, this chapter still does not feature much of Sihtric, but he will be in the next chapter! I promise! And the beautiful moodboard is from @serasvictoria. Check out her blog - beautiful and original work.

Warnings: non-con, male on female violence, self-defense violence, assault, sexual assault, I think that is all.

Word Count: 3553

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Since learning of Eardwulf’s presence in Winchester and the disturbing images in her dreams, which had continued nightly, Cwen’s composure had begun to falter.  Shadows in lonely corners continually leared in the edges of her vision.  A loud noise or commotion was enough to startle a gasp from her lips.  While returning to the kitchens one evening, a dark haired man with a slim frame similar to Eardwulf rounded a corner, reeking of ale and stumbled into Cwen and Eadith grumbling to himself.  The encounter was enough to leave Cwen shaking like a leaf in a gale. For the rest of that evening, Eadith couldn’t coax a word out of her friend.

Eadith was truly worried about Cwen and tried not to leave her alone when possible.  The two women continued working in the kitchen and waiting for chances to sneak words to their friends.  Although there was no real news to relay to them.

The siege continued.  Sigtrrygr still had the upper hand and for all intents and purposes appeared to ignore Edward’s attacks on the walls outside.  Cwen and Eadith had managed to speak a few more words through the door to Lady Aelswith and were confident they were managing as well as they could.  Although held as prisoners, they were fed and given water.  They were not ill treated.  

A bit shockingly, Stiorra was being treated with even more dignity and respect.  Cwen had managed to volunteer to bring Stiorra food a second time from the kitchens.  All had gone smoothly and it had done Cwen some good to venture on the errand without the comfort of Eadith’s presence.   

Stiorra had embraced her and assured her of Sigtrrygr’s kindness and courtesy towards her.  And it was true that the young woman Cwen saw looked refreshed and lively.  Cwen thought that Stiorra seemed quite taken with the conquering Dane.  He, apparently,  spoke with her as an equal and conversed with her, challenged her.  And Cwen felt glad for the young woman.  Seeing the blossoming of a potential young romance did make her heart ache to feel herself once more in Sihtric’s arms.  She wished to move beyond the hard words spoken between them when they left one another. 

When she had returned from delivering Stiorra’s food, Cwen felt a bit more like herself.  Eadith had noticed the change in her friend as well.  That one errand on her own had brought back more of the determined and confident woman Eadith knew.  

Cwen still was watchful.  She still steadied herself and her breathing regularly.  But she had stopped her quaking and stuttering movements or being startled at every noise or turn.  Her nightmares had also lessened.  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The chance to bring Stiorra her afternoon meal presented itself again several days later.  Frig had yet again barked an order to any kitchen maid available to bring bread, cheese, and water to the woman, Stiorra.  Careful to not seem too eager, Cwen had moved to gather the items and a basket in which to carry them all.

She paused just outside the door of the kitchen and gathered her breath.  She could still see Eadith through the doorway and managed a small smile before taking a steadying breath and moving on her errand.  Along the hallways, Cwen strode with confidence having become accustomed to walking the halls now occupied by Danes.  She held her head down to avoid unwanted attention but walked with purpose to avoid unneeded questions.  No one usually disturbed her or Eadith while they were about their business but all the same, Cwen thought it best to blend in and become unassuming. 

As she turned the corner, Cwen heard muffled voices coming from the room where Stiorra was kept.  Still several paces down the hall, she slowed her steps and strained her ears to better hear who was within.  Thus far, her path had not crossed with Sigtryggr while he visited Stiorra. It might be best to completely avoid arousing suspicion that they knew one another. 

But if Sigtryggr knew food should be on its way and she delayed it’s arrival would that not also be suspicious?

Cwen kept her head down and decided she would simply walk into the room and deliver the food.  She could then see how events unfolded casually.  Cwen was startled from her thoughts when the door to Stiorra’s room opened.  And a voice she recognized spoke.

“I would always choose fear.”

Eardwulf backed out of the door and turned after closing it again, leaving whomever else was inside shut away.

The man appeared haggard and dejected. Fearful even. 

As he turned, Eardwulf’s glare caught Cwen.  She stood transfixed.  A deer frozen after hearing the snap of a twig.

“What are you doing here?” Eardwulf sneered in a low voice as he stalked towards Cwen.

He reached a hand out to grasp at her sleeve, but it snapped life back into Cwen’s blood and she stepped to turn and run.

But he was himself too quick and easily grabbed her from behind and pushed her into an alcove of the hallway.

Eardwulf was quick to muffle Cwen’s cries with a hand over her mouth.

“If you are here then it means my whore of a sister must also be here.  What is the plan then, eh? Have you two in here to spy and to snoop?” Eardwulf prattled on about the injustices and failures he continually faced all the while never removing his hand from Cwen’s mouth. 

She stared, terrified at the man and his condition. Dark shadows rested in the hollows underneath his bloodshot eyes. His eyes themselves appeared deranged. 

Finally, Eardwulf paused while bringing his head to rest against Cwen’s brow. His hand still clamped across her mouth making it hard to breathe. The pressure of his fingers was bruising. 

“I will show them,” he whispered, not speaking to Cwen any longer but to some unknown collective. 

“They will watch in fear as I show them what will become of those who threaten me.”

He drew back from Cwen, catching her eyes. 

His breathing was haggard. Matching her own. 

Cwen cursed herself for having Sihtric’s knife hidden strapped to her calf. Out of her reach. 

Not like the knife Eardwulf now drew from a sheath at his waist and held up to her, the tip grazing along the dip in her clavicle. 

“Not a word, Cwen. You are coming with me.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cwen could not help but comply as Eardwulf led her, knife pressed against the small of her back, at the kidneys. The same place Sihtric had instructed her could incapacitate an attacker. 

Her mind worked feverishly trying to find a means of escape from him. Or to even determine what he meant to do with her. How and who was he planning to strike fear into?

But realization soon struck her as Eardwulf escorted her up a set of stairs and out into the rampart. Facing Edward’s army on the field below.  Facing her friends. Sihtric. 

“Edward!”

Eardwulf’s voice grated as he shouted for the king’s attention. 

“Edward! My Lord King!”  

Eardwulf’s focus was now on garnering attention from the king, his grip had shifted, clasping an arm tight around Cwen’s throat and the knife held in his free hand. Braced against the stonewall of the parapet. 

Cwen clasped her hands onto his arm desperately trying to break some of the hold he had on her. But his strength and size overpowered her. She watched as his fingers flexed and then gripped the knife repeatedly as he waited for any sign of reply from the king. 

And then she heard him. Crying out to her with such fear and anguish that it almost broke her. 

“Cwen!” Sihtric called, rushing forward from the base of the tree in the field.  Osferth and Finan were quick to restrain him, to stop him from coming in range of any archer's arrows.  What sounds followed in the next few moments we’re not words but the sounds of a man crazed. An animal desperate to act and protect what was his. 

“Is that your man now, Cwen?”

Eardwulf’s words were hot against her cheek. Cwen could do nothing but watch while Sihtric struggled and fought against Finan and Osferth.

“I have struck fear in him. The rest will follow,” Eardwulf paused, scanning the crowd assembled to watch on the field.  Edward had stepped out from the ranks of his men but had made no move to reply to Eardwulf.  Seeing this, Eardwulf shifted his focus.

“Lord Uhtred!” He now called. Taunting. 

“Lord Dane Slayer! Come forth Uhtred!”

Cwen watched helplessly as Sihtric finally stopped struggling against his brothers. He stared up at her, panting and flexing his jaw.  Then Uhtred was beside them and striding forward several paces in front of them. 

“We have your daughter, Uhtred.”

Eardwulf’s words stopped Uhtred in his tracks and caused the rest of his men to still. 

“She is almost as good a hump as this one here,” Eardwulf yelled the words while releasing his grasp around Cwen’s shoulders to shove her forward by the nape of her neck. 

Finding courage from his deception, Cwen yelled, “He lies! She is treated fairly and with respect,” but Eardwulf’s hand shoved her forward so that her head connected with the stone wall, dulling the last of her words. 

Feeling dazed, Cwen could hear shouts from the men below. Sihtric’s voice was chief among them. 

Then Eardwulf’s voice rose again over the shouts and protests.

“Now do I have your attention?” He paused while the soldier’s voices died down.  “We hold the city.  And we will continue to hold the city.  Do you know how Sigtryggr took your city?  I told him it was left undefended.  It was me!”  He paused here scanning the crowd and breathing hard.  His hand still held Cwen bent over, braced against the stone wall.

“Too often I was overlooked or underused.  Swept aside and discarded.  But no more!” His words were coming out desperate now, pained.  “Now you would have cause to fear me.”

Struggling to push herself upright, Cwen retorted, “you are nothing but a snake in the grass.  A coward.  That is why you will never rise.  You will never become anything more.”

Cwen could feel the anger radiating off of Eardwulf.  His entire body quivered with malice.  She knew she needed to keep him off guard.  Keep him impetuous if she was to find a chance to save herself.  It was a dangerous game to play, to goad him on, but if she did not then she was sure this would end badly.  

“Shut your mouth, whore!”  Eardwulf snapped while dragging Cwen back upright against him.

“Sigtryggr has the power here, Edward!  I have the power.” 

Cwen flinched at his words.  He had brought the knife back up to her torso, pressing against her breasts.  But it was clear his attention wasn’t truly focused on her.  Chaos and rage were emanating off of him.  Cwen could feel his breath catching and the sobs seizing in his throat.  The turmoil and fury he battled had won.

“And you will watch as I wield that power! I will hump this bitch now and then I will find your daughter, Uhtred, and I will hump her too.  And you will not be able to do anything to stop me.”

Eardwulf’s final words were bellowed at the crowd below.  It was then that Cwen felt the buzzing in her ears once more and time felt sluggish.  

She could hear the shouts from the men gathered below.  The din of the noise and the buzzing were too loud for her to pick out Sihtric’s voice, but she knew the anguish he would be feeling.

She felt as Eardwulf shoved her body forward once more, discarding his knife and bodily pressing himself against her.  He fumbled with the bundles of her skirt, reaching down to grab handfuls of the fabric. 

Cwen felt herself desperately try to push her body backwards, to gain any sort of leverage or purchase.  In her struggle, Cwen brought her leg up bracing against the wall.  And her hand brushed the handle of Sihtric’s knife.

With no hesitation, Cwen grasped the handle and pulled it from the sheath.  Bellowing, she drove the blade back with an upward thrust from her hip with all the strength her arm could muster at such an odd angle.  And she felt the weapon sink into flesh.  

Immediately, the pressure holding her against the stone eased.  Cwen ripped the knife from Eardwulf’s gut and whirled around.

Eardwulf’s hands were grasping at his abdomen where blood had begun to seep through his fingers.  

Cwen was vaguely aware of boots clamoring up the stairs to her left.  But she was more focused on the rush of adrenaline coursing through her body.  Eardwulf turned his eyes back up to meet hers and lurched forward, hand reaching for her throat.  And upon instinct, Cwen brought the knife up between herself and Eardwulf.   She felt the tremor of the blade sinking into flesh once more as she pushed the blade outward and Eardwulf’s own momentum came crashing against it.  The knife ripped past the flesh and scraped off of the bone, then tearing into his vocal cords. Cwen felt as slick, crimson gore seeped over her hand.

The buzzing had stopped.  The running feet had stopped.  The sounds of the shouts and yells from the field below were still slow and distant to Cwen’s ears.  Slowly, she pushed Eardwulf’s body away from hers and let go of the knife.  

Stepping to the side, Cwen watched as he dropped down on his knees and his head lolled forward.  Fresh blood pooled out of his mouth.   Cwen’s heart hammered in her chest and she felt a tingling moving along her body.  First in her toes, then along her fingers, and traveling up her arms.  Adrenaline roaring through her veins.

It was after a few more moments that Cwen became aware of the other person on the ramparts.  Raising her eyes, Cwen saw that Sigtryggr stood only a few paces away, surveying the scene before him.

He lifted his hands in a gesture of peace and slowly walked forward.  His eyes never left Cwen.  Not when he closed the distance between himself and Eardwulf.  And not when he stooped to grasp the knife handle, ripping it from Eardwulf’s neck.  The gesture brought a new spurt of blood and elicited several choked coughs from Eardwulf.  

Slowly, Sigtryggr grasped Eardwulf by the shoulders and pulled him up to his feet.  The man’s life was slowly ebbing away.  Cwen listened as Sigtryggr spoke to Eardwulf.

“Do you see what ruling through fear has earned you, Christian?  I doubt there will be any who mourn your death.” 

With those final words, the Danish conqueror grasped onto Eardwulf’s shoulders.  He moved to the stone and shoved the man bodily over the parapet to crash on the hard earth below.

The shouts from the Saxons died on their lips. And Cwen watched as Sigtryggr held out his hand to her.  The knife laid flat in his palm.  An offering to her.

“He can hurt you no longer.”  Sigtryggr’s voice was calm and low.  It was collected and composed.  And Cwen studied his eyes before she reached out to take the knife.  They showed only sincerity.

Once she had taken the knife and stepped back a pace to have some space, Sigtryggr turned his attention towards the Saxons.

“King Edward of Wessex,” he shouted, “That man did not speak for me.  And he is of no concern now.”  Sigtryggr paused here, searching the crowd to see if he could find Edward among his men.

“Come on out, King.  I have shown myself.  Now let us see you.  Come and meet me at the gate.  I wish to speak with you, eye to eye.  One man to another.”

Hearing his words, Cwen turned to scan the crowd.  But while Sigtryggr was searching for Edward, her eyes were hunting for Sihtric.  And he was there.  His eyes were trained on her.  Cwen could still see the desperation emanating off of him.  The overwhelming yearning to be embracing his lover while only able to gaze from afar.  Cwen felt it too.  A physical pull lifting off her chest that there was no choice but to resist.  Slowly, Sihtric’s gaze eased her breathing and Cwen felt the drain of exhaustion creep into her bones.

Sigtryggr’s next words caught Cwen’s attention.

“Bring the boys,” he spoke quietly to the guards standing along the stair to their left.

Cwen watched as Aethelstan and another young boy, Aelfweard presumably, approached.  Without hesitation, Cwen reached her arms out to envelope Aethelstan.  The boy embraced her wordlessly and headless of the blood Cwen noticed had begun to dry on her hands and arms, turning sticky.  Sigtryggr watched while Cwen held her arm out to the second child, offering him a bit of maternal comfort and presence as well.  Sigtryggr made no move to stop the boys nor even a face of disapproval.  His eyes held merely curiosity.

“Meet with me, King Edward,” he called, turning back to face the warriors. “Come,” he paused, seeing that Edward had stepped forward, “and talk to us at the gate. Your sons wish to see their father.”

After an interminable time, Cwen watched as Edward’s standard bearer shouted up that the king would approach the gate and treat with Sigtryggr.  

After he had confirmation that Edward would approach, Sigtryggr turned and gently ushered Cwen and the boys down the stairs, his men shifting to make room for their descent.

Cwen stiffened when she felt Sigtryggr place a hand on her back guiding her away from the front gate.  Almost instantly, the hand was removed.

“Forgive me, lady,” he paused, questioning as Cwen turned to face him, the boys still clutched tightly to her, “I do not know your name.”

Cwen studied the man’s face once more.  Standing closer to him, she could see more details surrounding the scars he wore along his brow and cheek.  She also saw a startling depth and gentleness behind his eyes.

“Cwen,” she replied, “My name is Cwen.”

Sigtryggr’s lips quirked upward slightly in amusement. “Ah, so you are one of the young women who traveled the countryside with Stiorra in Mercia while I took Winchester?”

When Cwen did not answer, he continued, “Stiorra has mentioned you on several occasions. She likes you.  Respects you,” he paused to turn and glance at some of his men and the gate, “I do not know how you came to be inside the walls, but it is of little concern.  And I assure you that no more harm will come to you.  I will have you taken to be with Stiorra.  But the boys will come with me.  I do not wish them harm.  And let us pray to all the gods that their father will see reason and help us avoid that outcome.”

Cwen moved to place herself in front of the boys, but Sigtryggr’s men instantly were on her, overpowering her.

“Stop!” Sigtryggr had held up a hand and yelled the command.  “You will unhand them.”  

His men obeyed him without delay and he approached her placing a gentle but firm hand on her arm.

“You must give them to me now, Cwen.  Trust me when I assure you that I wish to be different from the Northmen who have come before me.  A better man than the Danes who have raped and ravaged your people.  I do not,” he emphasized the word, “want them harmed.  But this is what must be done.”

Sigtryggr held out his hands, one towards Aethelstan and one towards Aelfweard.  Cwen turned her face to meet Aethelstan’s eyes.  They boy nodded at her before reaching out and taking the outstretched hand.  He was followed closely by his half-brother and Cwen slowly felt them both slip from her fingers.

Turning to walk to the gate, Sigtryggr spoke to the man nearest him.

“Bring her to Stiorra and see that she is allowed to clean herself and be fed.  I will check that this is done later.”

“No,” Cwen protested, finding her voice frail and wavering.  But gathering her courage, she spoke once more, “No!”

Sigtryggr stopped and turned his face over his shoulder to watch her.

“I,” she stammered, hesitating, “I was not alone here.  Another woman, another friend of Stiorra, Eadith is here with me.  I must find her.  I fear for either of us to be alone.”  Cwen’s eyes searched Sigtryggr’s face, pleading.

After a moment, the Dane gave a single nod before turning back to stride towards the gates.

Taking one step backwards and then another, Cwen turned and rushed off to the kitchens in search of Eadith.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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[etheriadearie]

What if it's Adora's... and Catra's- Dream?

::It's been eight months since The Kiss and Catradora becoming canon in one of the most breathtakingly romantic and beautiful endings of all time. Now that we've all throughly gotten to enjoy that, I'd like to take some time to explore how Adora's dream might tie into everything having to do with its ending, as well as the entire romantic arc of SPOP.

This post centers on Adora's dream, with the goal of exploring the dream as a part of the Catradora romance. Really, truely, as part of their romance. Pardon my vagueness, because it is out of kindness: if you haven't finished the series, THIS IS A SPOILER WARNING. 🚨🚨🚨 ... If you don't like spoilers, now is the time to scroll on by, Horde soldier // Rebellion fighter!! (and please, return when you do- <3)

If you have finished the show, please consider joining me below, as i'd love to hear your opinion on the following theory...

💜💙💚💛🧡❤️💜💙💚💛🧡❤️💜💙❤️🧡❤️💜💙💚💛🧡❤️💜💙💚💛🧡❤️💜💙❤️

Hey Adora ~❤️

Are you still with me?

Good, then let's get this started-

It is highly probable that Adora’s 'dream' is a canon romantic moment for each of them, which not only Adora experiences, but so does Catra.

The dream is, instead, a spontaneous reaction of Etheria’s deep magic and their love, in particular because Catra is with Adora as she tries to save Adora through her love for her. They both share in the creating of the dream, but it's meaning is that of Catra showing her love to Adora: they are connected within the dream by way of this Etherian magic, which they have shared in before.

I say this because what we’re actually seeing is a simulation, much like the ones that Catra and Adora shared together during Promise: these simulations are based on memories and on emotions: it is Catra’s emotions which are being channeled as Etheria creates the dream for them.

We will indeed discuss the arc of their love in this post, but, this theory is based on the use of a oft neglected, but powerful, mode of storytelling:: Known as ‘visual cues’ this method of storytelling is employed by Noelle and Friends as the way to tell us the deeper meanings behind the dream sequence. And the use of these cues tells us that this is intended to be seen as a shared romantic moment for both girls, showing their love for one another.

I know, this might seem like a lot to process, after all, isn't what we see during the dream supposedly Adora’s subconscious response to Mara’s words of wisdom about love, when she asked Adora what she wants, and tells her to not give up?

And how would it even be possible for Catra to be in the simulation with Adora? To the former, Adora still had no answer to Mara’s question, like she didn't when Catra asked her what she wanted the night before. And in the dream, we watch as Adora spends almost all of it denying what she's seeing, believing she has failed her duty to save everyone as She-ra. Considering Adora’s resistance to the dream, does it make sense for the dream to be self actualized by Adora, or is what she sees originating from somewhere else, and if so, how?

As to whether Catra can be there with Adora, the answer is a resounding yes: and that's because we already know that Catra is in the dream with Adora, for part of the time. How we know this is that after Horde Prime traps Adora, Catra intervenes to save Adora and they interact: Catra reaches down to try and save Adora, ending famously with her beautiful love confession, which helps Adora find the strength to reach out to take her hand.

That we see Catra do this, and that she does it so purposefully, tells us that this is something that actually happens between the two of them:: Catra must have seen Horde Prime trap Adora, and Adora can see and hear Catra in her mind as she calls for her- Adora really does reach up to take Catra’s hand, and as she takes it, is pulled from the edge of death. It's not a metaphor at all, even though we know Catra is holding Adora's body in the real.

And so, if Catra was with Adora then, why not before, too?

To put it simply, all of the visions that Adora has, including her meeting Mara before the dream, is Etheria’s deep magic trying to help her, and so it helps to bridge the gap that's needed for Catra to share her love with Adora. After all, Etheria "is a living creature" (s5ep8) and Catra, actually, has a strong connection to Etheria’s magic, and to magic in general (we will revisit this later).

All that happens is tied together, which we'll talk about below: what Adora sees in the dream is the true beginning of Catra’s love confession, because Catra is coming through for Adora as her best self to save her, much like Adora did for Catra during Save the Cat.

::And that's where our visual cues come in, because as it turns out, the Dream and Save the Cat are related: they are related in storytelling and in emotion, but most importantly:: they are related visually.

This post will cover these similarities starting below. We’ll also take a look at two separate and distinct visual cues having to do with how Catra acts in the Dream to further the discussion, and lastly we'll cover how, in fact, all of Save the Cat and Heart Part 2 are related, starting well before the dream, continuing right through it, and afterwards as well.

But, to get this started, let's take a look at visual cue #1: when Catra offers her hand to Adora in her dream.

::During the dream, Adora has such disbelief when she finds herself in it, and she keeps this disbelief right up until the critical moment: when Catra turns to her and offers her hand to Adora, lovingly asking her if she's ready to go. That, is the moment when we finally see Adora give herself over to the idea of their love, she suspends her disbelief… only to have the moment so cruelly ripped away by Horde Prime...

As it so turns out, this sequence of events has happened before, almost exactly down to the frame by frame:: it happened during Save the Cat, when Adora offered her hand to Catra. These moments are visually similar, emotionally parallel, and story parallel as well. Here are the two scenes, and while you look at them, consider how the girls are arranged compositionally with each other:

What we have here is visual parallels, many more of which we'll discuss later. But, it goes deeper than that:: because on closer consideration, we see that the girls are arranged ‘mirror’ to each other. For example:

::In Save the Cat, Adora offers her hand to Catra from the left, and in the dream Catra offers her hand to Adora from the right-

::When Prime electrocutes Catra after she reaches for Adora’s hand, she falls downward on the right; when Adora is trapped by Prime, she sinks downward on the left, with her tears showing the direction of her descent (note, Catra’s tears were not depicted, but she is crying as Prime shocks her). This mirroring is shown repeatedly throughout the two episodes, and not just during the dream itself.

So why are these moments mirrored?

That's what this theory aims to prove, with all the muster that it can:: this mirroring is a purposeful artistic collaboration between the art and writing teams, letting us know by way of it, that we're suppose to understand how these scenes are parallel: with the meaning of this being that one girl is mirroring the other’s actions in order to save them.

Therefore, in theory:: what we're seeing during the dream is Catra mirroring the heroic love Adora shows for Catra during Save the Cat, and all of what we see in the dream is actually Catra showing her true love, is the true beginning of her love confession, and is done to save Adora. As for the other deeper, more involved reason, it is that Adora and Catra are actually parallel characters throughout the series, who vary by circumstance, but are struggling with much the same issues. (a discussion for another time, however)

For instance:: consider how similar the virus that Adora is fighting during her time in the Heart chamber is to the mind control that Catra fought in Save the Cat:: Prime is using the virus to control Adora, and she ultimately is able to reject Prime's control because of Catra’s actions- much like Catra did, after Adora showed up in Save the Cat to restore their love, telling Catra to fight Prime’s control, so that they can be home together again.

And here's the thing: if the artists and writers go to such lengths to make these scenes parallel… even moreso, the characters are mirrored, doesn't the meaning of it therefore demand that Catra be with Adora during her dream, to help her fight free of Prime’s control by showing her love to Adora, just like Adora did for Catra during Save the Cat?

Now really, what confirms this theory is the entire arc of the show, which, *puffs up cheeks* is a bit too much to cover here, so I'll save us some time and stick to a couple of themes instead. One of these will be the Catradora love arc, as it is integral to the next visual cues.

And these cues are that Catra’s truest love is shown during Adora’s dream, something which we don't see Catra do before this moment. So, sit tight for a bit, because this'll take some explaining-

Visual cues #2 and #3: Catra’s most earnest love is shown in the dream, and it's both what Adora needs to survive, and is fundamental to Catra’s redemption-

Redemption arcs are popular for a reason, and because the next cues relate so strongly to Catra's redemption, I'll be talking about how Catra’s redemption is fully realized by the honest and earnest love she shows for Adora, inside the dream as well as right before it.

In order for Catra to complete her redemption, or since that's cliche, ::for Catra to realize her best self:: she has to accept her truth as the absolute total romantic that she is, who through the braveness of her confession of love, is the one who helps their dreams come true, and brings Catradora into canon.

This is because, in all seriousness, Catra is and always has been a romantic, she's just blocked by her own traumatic experiences (plz consult Princess Prom if confused about how Catra is a romantic, 😼😹). And, she's always known she was in love with Adora- who, unlike Catra, never quite realizes her full feelings until Catra’s confession. And Catra needs to redeem herself by showing this love, because she chose to deny her love to Adora, as well as to herself, at the end of Promise after seeing how very little love and understanding Adora had to give to her in season 1. This next set of visual cues is all about how we see Catra’s feelings and actions change to reflect her true feelings of love, and that through accepting her own love for Adora, is able to help Adora to succeed in her final task.

::As Adora faces down her final challenge of disabling the Heart, Catra makes what could best be described as a decision of ‘radical love’: that she's willing to give everything she has- to help, love, and support Adora. We first see Catra’s decision to show such love right before the dream when she swears to stay by Adora’s side, and she then fully completes this love during the dream when we see Catra show her precious love for Adora.

In the dream, the Catra we see is much more tender, vulnerable, and intimate, than we’ve ever seen her be at any other time previous to this point in the series… her love is even more earnest than during their earliest memories as children. That's because we’re seeing a completely novel and honest expression of Catra's love, one which Catra hasn't been willing to show before this. Catra really needs to show her full feelings to redeem herself, not just a last second love confession. What we're seeing during the dream is her truest feelings, without her own self doubt or fears of vulnerability blocking her.

And this new love we see is part of the decision which Catra makes, right before the dream, swearing that she will stay with Adora no matter what, letting Adora know she has her full love and support as Adora faces her final task. This decision is the other half of the visual cue #2, and here’s the two moments together::

Is Catra ending up positioned so similarly just coincidence, or does it have deeper meaning as well? A couple things for consideration:

Firstly: Adora probably doesn't notice this shift in Catra’s behavior, especially before the dream, as Adora is completely focused on her burden of saving-the-entire-universe-along-with-every-last-person-in-it, which is rather a lot to expect one girl to do... even if she is She-ra. Also note: Adora is a romantically oblivious person, so there's that, too. And since she's so preoccupied by mortal peril, it really doesn't make sense for the sweet and loving Catra we see in the dream to originate from Adora’s subconscious, as Catra has never shown Adora this tender, loving version of herself: and so, it makes more sense that the magic of the simulation would be drawing from somewhere else entirely: it draws on Catra’s own feelings of love.

I know, these scenes vary in mood significantly, but the difference we're seeing in the dream is actually a heightened version of the love Catra shows before it, one where Catra is not only showing Adora that she values and supports her, but that Catra quite literally feels precious love for Adora. Catra clings to her, letting her know that she is treasured above all else, which is really, really REALLY sweet, and also really really not in line with how Catra has acted up to this point in the series...

Catra loves Adora, this is central to her arc, even during the times when she's aligned so strongly against her. Her story is about learning to accept her love, and she's reestablishing her love for Adora during these scenes... this is the total truth of her love and affection, that is.

She’s already established that she's willing to risk herself to protect Adora, such as when she tackles Melog on Krytis. But, Catra protecting Adora from harm physically isn't enough to fully redeem herself: she's also got to show the romantic love she feels which she denied to Adora so long ago. This love she feels is something that Adora continuously teases Catra over, constantly ruining the moment by misinterpreting Catra’s feelings simply as attraction, never fully realizing or acting on the romantic implications. This happened as recently as when Catra jumped into the fire to save Adora... Adora is a romantic idiot. (don't you worry, I say this with fondness) This is part of Catra's test: even though Adora never gives her a sign that she feels romantic love as well, Catra has to show her love because that's what it has always been about for her. Loving Adora properly means Catra has to accept Adora as she is, and not let her own romantic frustration block her. It's also simply the right thing to do, as they are out of time, and could all die if Adora fails... Adora's story, on the other hand, has been about becoming the hero, and Catra has to accept that yes, in total reality, Adora simply has never considered what she wants because of her burdens.

As Adora faces her final task and is feeling crushed by the weight of her burdens and fears of failure, Catra has to show this love to counter Adora’s own obliviousness and internalized emotional barriers, as Catra realizes how Adora really doesn't "get it" right up until Catra’s love confession. Adora is not seeing what she has to live for, and Catra's fully accepting Adora as who she is helps Catra to see how she can help Adora, because Adora's romantic awkwardness is really more about her emotional trauma than her love for Catra- Adora loves Catra, that much is clear. But is it romantic love? Catra takes a risk and shows her true feelings, because she knows Adora is struggling, and they are out of time... so no matter what, Catra has to show her romantic love to Adora, and luckily she's able to do so during the dream (because of the help of Etheria's magic).

We also need to talk about how Catra stands with Adora: in both moments she chooses to stand behind Adora. Catra is showing her true support to Adora, and her most honest feelings of love- something I discussed in my Promise discussion is how Catra never wanted power for herself, she just wanted to be safe, and to be with Adora. Here we have Catra, definitively showing after all this time that she doesn't want power, she just wants to love Adora.

The Catra we see in seasons 1-4 rejected Adora as She-ra, seeing her as two faced for ignoring and then abandoning her to continued abuse while fighting for others, breaking her final promise as she did. This was a trauma decision, but Catra is done letting trauma control her life. So here we see Catra choose to support and love Adora no matter what, like she always wanted to do, and she's even choosing to support Adora as the hero. This is further demonstrated as true during the dream, as Catra (albeit jokingly) asks Adora to save her from a determined Glimmer.

All in all, the Catra we see in the dream is very unlike anything we’ve seen before, she's outwardly in love, feelings which Adora herself feels but struggles to understand. And that Catra ends up positioned so similarity is a cue that Catra is allowing her true love to be shown during the dream. It's exactly what Adora needs to feel coming from Catra, as years of being abused and new hardships have convinced Adora that sacrifice is the only thing that makes her worthy of love- Mara tells her “You're worth more than what you can give to other people, you deserve love, too”. Sadly, when you watch this scene you see that Adora has a hard time accepting Mara's words, she shys away from them instead.

Catra’s choosing to stay with Adora, and then show her most earnest love inside the dream, helps Adora to see how she deserves to be loved: as the person she is, and not only as a hero. Catra is the only person who loved Adora before she was She-ra, and her love for her has never been about her being a hero, like Adora was told she had to be by Shadow Weaver.

That was something done out of malicious intent, as Shadow Weaver did it to control Adora and to prepare her as her sacrifice. Young Catra was there when it happened to Adora, and always knew that it was done out of some dark intent (hence her frustration during the battle of Thaymore- “Duhhh did yah just figure that out??”). Catra constantly shows that she is wise to manipulations.

... And Adora is still stuck on this trauma: the love that Catra shows Adora helps her see past her own hurt.

::Ok. I say this next part with all the sincerity I can: expecting Catra to carry the entire burden of their romance all on her own is rather a lot to expect her to be able to do. And yet… she does it. She's the one who confesses her love, she's the one who kisses Adora, and in the dream, she shows Adora that she's in love with her. This is because Catra is a person who understands what she wants. She chooses to have faith that their love is real, and so she shows her heart to Adora. How does Catra trust enough in love, considering her past mistakes, and all trauma that she's been through?

People mostly think that Catra post season 5 would be a person who is still in a state of hurting from her past, that she constantly struggles with self hatred and doubts. But, ask yourself: is that how Catra is portrayed, or do we see a person who has faced her trauma so that she can live free of it?

That Catra would be able to do this so totally is what I think throws so many people about Catra. After all, most people who have trauma struggle with it continuously, so why wouldn't Catra struggle like this too… people have a hard time accepting that she is able to change her behavior so much for the better. But, don't let that stop you from seeing her as she is presented to be, there's powerful reasons why Catra is like she is, Noelle wouldn't take a shortcut in this. The reasons are there... it's just… complicated.

Probably too complicated to cover here, but I'll try to summarize a theme here: Catra is a survivor. That's what her attitude is, and her arc. She's survived ever since that day when Shadow Weaver threatened to kill her as only a small child, and she’s survived many other near deaths and hardships getting to this point. And because of that, she's found what she really wants to live for, and she's become too strong against others hurting her to let them control her. This strength includes against her own bias of self judgement over her past actions, because she understands how her actions were the product of manipulative abuses by others who wanted to control her. She knows trauma, in fact she's somewhat blessed in this ability (see this meta). What Catra does during the dream and her love confession is to reject ALL of the trauma, the falseness, the negativity, and hurt that's been put into both her AND Adora all of their lives. She's way too strong to let her own fears block her, and as she sees Adora struggling with her own fears, Catra gives her full heart to Adora because Catra knows how important it is to want to live and to love, and if she can just get Adora to understand that too, then she can save her.

... because Catra is brave, perhaps the bravest person in all of SPOP, she comes through to save Adora from Adora's own fears by showing her the power of love. Catra sees Adora for who she is better than anyone else can: she sees her humanity, and her struggles. And seeing is very important to our next cue::

Cue #3 ‘I’m YOUR idiot’

During Save the Cat, as Adora watches Catra teetering on the edge of the platform, she implores Catra to keep on fighting. She tells her: “you've never listened to anyone in your life, are you really going to start now?”

Catra responds by very fondly calling her an idiot.

And Adora freely accepts this, saying:

“I know.”

Then we get this frame, as shown above: Adora sees Catra, and how she's always tried to find safety from those that would hurt her by not letting them control her life.

Catra only ever listened to one person: she listened to Adora, and their promise... hence the ‘idiot’ part. And Adora is saying, as she accepts being called an idiot, that ‘I should have seen it sooner, and why my love was so important. You always felt like you had to fight to survive, and I was suppose to be different than those who hurt you. I was wrong not to understand sooner, and I shouldn't have hurt you like I did.'

And she proves it to Catra with her next words: “I'm going to take you home.”

Home. The thing Catra felt she had lost when Adora abandoned her at the Horde. Adora is saying: ‘I know this is what you want.’

‘So, live.’

::In the second frame, we see Catra show absolute acceptance of her love for Adora. It's just like Adora accepting being Catra’s idiot: Catra is telling Adora: 'Don't you see how I love you? You tease me, but this is not because I like you, it's because I'm crazy about you. I'm in love with you. And I want you to see this, my silly, beautiful love. Because I want you to know how I love you. I should have seen why my love was so important sooner, and I never should have left you."

‘I do freely admit that I am your idiot.’

‘And I know you. I know that this is what you really want. And that it hurts you that you were made the hero, and how everyone expects so much of you, but they never seem to see how much it hurts you.’

‘And I know that what you want is to be loved.’

‘I see you. I know you.’

‘So... live.”

It's exactly what Adora needs to see to accept love, and not let her trauma stop her. This is part of what helps Adora overcome Prime’s virus so she can absorb the Heart's power: she needed to see that she's loved. Much like Catra did, back on Prime’s ship.

Sidebar discussion 1: thoughts regarding this theory-

How exactly does the dream come to be, how does Catra experience its creation, all of these finer points we kinda hafta leave to the 'magic' that happens. We can't know exactly how it happened, but maybe we don't need to.

As to why didn't they didn't just tell us, *if* this theory is true, that is- probably because She-ra's ending is beautiful, it's hard to imagine it being any more beautiful than it already is. It's worth watching again and again: not having everything spelled out for us just makes us want to watch it more. -etheriadearie

Part 4: How everything is mirrored starting well before the dream, as well as after🪞♾🪞

All of Heart Part 2 is a mirror of Save the Cat, starting from the very beginning. And, if you look carefully you can see stylistic elements repeated throughout each (mirroring, compositional arrangements, use of green in both to represent Prime’s corruption, etc.) They are different enough that each is worthy of being called an artistic masterpiece of its own, but everything in them is related, and what happens as Catra saves Adora is very much the story of Save the Cat being retold.

Catra’s decision to return to help Adora inside the Heart chamber is synonymous with Adora’s decision to face Horde Prime on his flagship. Neither have a plan worth mentioning, both know they could fail, but they have to try, no matter what. They love each other too much not to try.

… and the other is totally dismayed when they show up to save them, knowing how perilous their situations are, as they had resigned themselves to their fates.

Oh, hey Shadow Weaver. Looks like you slipped in to be a stand in for Horde Prime ? Could this be because you were the real villain of SPOP all along ?

Even though the one is so unhappy that the other is risking themselves like they are, each girl continues to fight to free the other. They need the other to see how much they care.

Above: Adora makes a similar declaration of love to Catra's in cue #2, more mirroring 🪞

Sidebar discussion 2: Catra’s strong connection to magic-

A subplot of She-ra is how Catra unlearns her negative perception of magic she has from it being used against her as a child by Shadow Weaver, and instead comes to see magic as something beautiful. Even though Catra professes a strong dislike of it “why does everything have to be so weird with you guys ?” (s5ep8), magic constantly seeks her out.

It starts during Promise, when Catra’s subconscious seemingly guides the memories they see, ending with her seeing her inner child's hurt. It continues in the Portal episodes when she's given up hope, and after trying to destroy herself, instead returns as Corrupted Catra, a magical being with knowledge and purpose. Then, in season 5, Melog chooses Catra, she nervously accepts their friendship and is surprised to finds them to be very good friend to her.

And so, during the dream, as Catra and Adora lie mere feet from the center of Etheria’s magic, it reaches out to help them- it is a living thing, and Catra welcomes its help, proving she has incredible harmony with magic, and by allowing herself to work with it during the dream, she completes her journey of unlearning her bias- because the truth of Etheria’s magic is love.

Like Adora's jumping off the platform after Catra falls, Catra refuses to give up, and finds a way to get to Adora~

Sidebar discussion 3: Horde Prime’s virus

Another bridge between our girls is that when the monster attacks Catra, she's infected by Prime’s virus along with Adora. This is another route by which their minds can be connected (see Catra’s right hand, above) which begs the question: is everything that Adora sees in the dream just an elaborate cruelty of Horde Prime's?

I'm going with no, because of the visions which Adora has before the dream. Most of them happen well before the infection reaches Adora’s location, and their meanings don't really make sense as part of Prime’s deceit. He also says “So this is where you've run to hide" when he interrupts Adora's conversation with Mara.

It makes more sense that it is as Razz says: "You cannot control magic, magic simply is" and the magic is communicating with Adora and with Catra. It is rather, that Catra manages to use Prime's virus against him, as she's faced his control before. Her personal knowledge of his technology likely means Catra knows to help Adora overcome his control, and this along with her confession, helps Adora to break free of his control.

As Adora struggles with her final duty as She-ra to stop the heart, feeling alone in the face of it because she alone is She-ra, the only one who supposedly can do it, she's feeling crushed by the weight of a millennia old war and other's past cruelties forced onto her life. She believes it's too much for her to do alone, and that she's not a good enough hero.

Catra’s ultimate answer to Adora is: 'Don't be.’

Catra is telling Adora to stop being the hero just long enough to realize what she already has, because she's not alone. She needs help, but it's right there with her- she doesnt have to do it alone, no one should.

And so, by asking her to stay, Catra is telling Adora: 'Forget about being She-ra, and right now instead just focus on wanting to live... because if you don't live, then I can't help you. I know, this is hard. But if you can just accept that you want to be with me, then we can figure this out, together.'

And that's exactly what they do- they face the heart together.

Adora accepts love, and so Catra is able to help her absorb the Hearts power.... because love is the strongest thing in the entire universe... 💞

A few closing thoughts regarding this theory: We don't have a lot of time with the romance between Catra and Adora, as their kiss is the apex moment. But, by way of these cues perhaps us seeing them in the dream at their most romantic is real. When Adora wakes up, she doesn't even have to say anything about what she saw- Catra was there, helping her. One of the reasons why the kiss and Adora's confession of love back to Catra seems so pure is because she's understanding Catra perfectly. In fact they both are, because of the dream they shared together.

Considering how short She-ra is, for them to actually share this romantic moment together would be is key. And I feel it makes sense that they do, as such a beautiful moment deserves to live on in their (our) memories... and a way by which they could share this moment may very well exist, *if* this theory is correct.

Noelle and Friends may have cleverly given us this answer, and as beloved as the dream scene is, I'd like to think that they're together during it. Either way, She-ra's ending is beautiful.

As always, thanks for reading... I hope that you enjoyed it. Hopefully it's not just stating the obvious ? Feel free to let me know- 😅 And I couldn't get to all of the endings complexities here (for instance, Adora's confusion on love and needing someone like Catra to show her the way is very interesting, and worth exploring), and, believe me I, too, have questions. Feel free to ask questions or give me feedback, as always I will try to respond!! Also, I will be posting something related to this regarding their arcs in the near future~ hopefully. Until then...

"Don't you get it ? I love you. I always have. So please, just this once. Stay!" 🏳️‍🌈💞💋🏳️‍🌈

~EtheriaDearie

::As always, thanks for a like or reblogg!! I'm still new to tumblr, so thank you for reading- ❤️🙇

P.S. Here's the short version of this post. Yes, the "cliff notes" 😅. For a quick share with your friends!!

[kuekyuuq]

Gloria, Jet-lags and Imps [6x11]

Let’s jump right in:

Kinda love how Kara lamp-shaded addressed the fact she didn't tell the gang about her adventures in the PZ. She’s not wrong, tho.

...what do I want to say about Mxy using what's basically a well-known gay-anthem to tell his tale? I mean, it didn’t lead anywhere. The original song is about freeing oneself, liberation, stepping out of a (gone bad) relationship and moving on, stronger for it - empowerment. The only connection I could make, is that originally it was Nyxly’s aim to just do that (freeing herself and her kind from an oppressor), but in the way Mxy performed it, that part of the parallel was long over before he even reached the chorus. It’s also a popular Karaoke song, tho, so... he chose it because it’s catchy? I’ll try not to overthink it for now. At least, the Superfriend’s reactions were fun.

Nia exiting the elevator, "And what's this Old Stone?" I love it when ppl enter a room / situation and pick up on words that they couldn't have possibly heard. I think cinema sins ding such... Are we to assume, she dreamed Mxy's rendition of ‘I will survive’? Or is the elevator not sound-proof at all? (If it’s the latter, Nia later apparently telling Brainy “in private” between scenes / during the elevator ride about her Nyxly adventures, was a silly thing to do.)

So, "Jared" created the ring Old Stone to rule them all, it got shattered into the Paragons totems? Nyxly needs the totems and to get them she needs a crystal which also belonged to "Jared" - who happens to be Mxy's ancestor, which is why she needs Mxy / his blood, too.

I have one important and incredibly relevant question here, tho... 

With the introduced imps and their names... Why’s dude named Jared of all things?!

Really, did I mishear that? If so, I’ll leave it as is and never edit, bc that would be hilarious in its own right 😋

...

Not sure what to make about Supergirl paraphrasing a Dirty Dancing quote.  "Nobody puts Mxy into a power crystal on my watch."  ...is he Baby now? (Seriously, though: Which of the writers thought that was a fitting quote to use in that particular context?)

...now, is the exposition section of the episode over yet?

Sensitive Brainy sensed something was up with Nia. He can relate... Nia doubting Kara would understand, too, is ridiculous. But I get it... insecurities and all. But, I mean, just 5 minutes later Kara announces she wants to save Nyxly despite her wrongdoings. And yet Nia still remains convinced, Kara wouldn’t forgive her own personal mini-me... After having witnessed Kara forgiving Lena for a whole season of the writers being stupid messing up to the nth degree. But I digress, Lena’s Lena.

...how old is Nia meant to be again? Just asking out of completely unrelated curiosity.

F*ck. They really went with NewFoundland...

Imma assume it was an executive choice after realizing they couldn’t find enough actors and actresses with a convincing Irish accent... maybe. Again, no offense to Newfoundland! Just... we got the insinuations of Ireland, not Newfoundland... And truthfully, when I think of magic, Ireland is an easy association. Whereas I only due to this whole debacle learned Newfoundland has Irish ancestry. So, okay, the show forced me to learn something new... I give ‘em that.

An easy journey, she said.

Lena's been off-screen for two whole episodes, Kara announcing at the beginning of ‘Dreamweaver’ [6x09] Lena being “back east” (at least insinuating Lena’s left the west-coast already), which span over at least one full day (feat. a scene at night), and ‘I still rise’ [6x10] at least another a whole day (the whole Nia’s mom back for a day deal). And, now, after at least 48 hours she barely just arrived.

Lemme check how long a regular plane would need to fly from California to NFL......... ... .. .. So... approx. 10 hours with at least one layover. 

Yeah, using a private jet made it easier, but apparently also much, much slower...

Or, Lena randomly went some other places / did some sight-seeing in NFL before she decided to finally visit her mother’s hometown...  [Either that or the timelines don’t match up and Lena’s scenes are flashbacks of sorts.]

Optimistic and relaxed Lena is a sight to behold. I rewound 3 times, just to enjoy it for as long as possible. We all knew it was going to be short-lived... 

Let’s check off a few more items...

OMG, Kara hiding behind Alex at the mere sight of the PZ-projector broke my heart!  😢

"Elisabeth Walsh" is the new 'the one you shall not name'. ...poor Lena. 😭

Oh, so Mxy wants to be Patrick Swayze instead of Baby... gotcha.

...is this going anywhere?

KITTY!!! Okay, this must be the best opponent in the history of CWSG. 

Despite the horrible CGI, SG using her heat-vision to project a laser-beam to distract the cat had me in (happy-) tears! 🤣

Gotta love the civilians of National City quickly returning to business as usual once the giant cat is gone. Even the police officers looked rather chill...

Nyxly did look fabulous this episode ^^ 

Andrea being Lena's rock is both great and annoying. I can't fault Andrea. It's just, that we still have to see an on-screen interaction between Lena and Kara and that bugs the heck out of me. I can’t help it. I’m sorry, Andrea.

Nia: "...is my fault." Kara: "Nu, is MY fault!" J'onn: "Stop fighting, kids!" Space-dad has spoken.

Mxy used an LuthorCorp copy machine... and of cos it's faulty. It's not an L-Corp product.

Kara forgiving Nia came as a surprise to her... Oooookay. I mean, the show has been writing Kara a bit inconsistently the past two seasons... so, yeah, maybe being unsure which of her traits apply this week was not such a far stretch...

Maybe it's the hair, but I wished, Florence was played by Alex Kingston.

So, not-Alex-Kingston shows Lena herself with a funny wig and tells her how her mother was still watching her...

If it wasn't for Katie's acting skills (I love her.) I would have already hit my head against the wall repeatedly. Something about these scenes had me constantly cringe and I made it through 5.5 seasons of this show already... Can’t quite put my finger on it, but it was highly distracting from the story that explained Lena’s mom was special even to another witch, where there was domestic abuse, and an accidental murder. Y’know, important stuff, deep-cutting stuff! 

At least, poor widddle Lena got some closure there. Elisabeth was a good cookie. And filled with magic. And Lena’s gotta have that ‘spark’, too... 

....so... Lena’s gonna stay in NFL for how much longer, to train becoming a witch?  Please, just hand her a how-to manual and send her back home, to figure it out on her own, please... (Yes, that would be horrible decision-making, but I need her back with the team!)

On to the finish line: 

So... Mxy IS Nyxly's brother? Wait, that doesn’t sound right... then Nyxly would have the same blood... Did I miss something? Can someone explain, please? Or is he her ex, and that’s where his rendition of “I will survive” makes sense?

Hnn... I can't help, but think Kara's speech for Nyxly was 85% based on her experiences with Lena in s05.

Awww... he said "stronger together"... Mxy... I hope, you'll be okay!

Lena believes in magic now. And I absolutely love how Lena wants to science magic XD

...but apparently magic isn’t science that hasn’t been explained yet, but parallel... powers? concepts? ether strings?

Nyxly has a loyal henchman now. Which was a bit heavy-handed. Took way too much of screen-time, so it better leads to something interesting.

And Kara is on a warpath now. Wooooot! Girl’s got enough.

...what else? 

Did I miss a third Patrick Swayze hint / quote / mention?  I learned, these things come in threes... Y’know, basic writing rules... 

I guess, for once the episode title was meant to be taken literally, Mxy popping up between characters, to try and help. (I need in-show footage, of Mxy sneaking up on ppl, without his powers, on all fours / crouched, just to get the desired effect.) I mean, I’ve never really watched Malcom, but wasn’t he like what Mxy usually is? A bit of a trouble-maker, prankster, chaos-ensuing wherever he goes? ...well, in that case, the episode title didn’t hold up, as Mxy’s scenes were not fun or really goofy. Yes, there was some superficial humor, but just to serve Mxy dealing with not being able to use his powers, which in turn was only barely scratched at (although it turned out to be his final character development crisis, appreciating not having powers and - in turn - facing consequences for once). Again, a whole lot going on in the episode, so a lot of that may have ended up on the cutting-room floor.

...where’s Kelly? Secretly adopting a kid, maybe?

...Kara’s still a reporter, right? I mean, whenever it serves the immediate plot, yes? ...Not even a throw-away line, that she has to pop up at CatCo for appearances sake? Since Andrea is already upset with her AND looking into her friends’ identities? At least, Kara should take a peek to make sure Andrea hasn’t uncovered anything yet... No?

Well, that’s all I’ve got for now. Kue out.

[5uptic]

crewfu fanfic spotlight :)

Smores by Chione_chan (5up & Steve, general rating, gen | 273 words)

Summary: 5up and Steve roast their fans as they roast marshmallows.

arms wrapped tight by spaded_ace (Apollo/Steve, general rating, m/m | 283 words)

Summary: Another short drabble about the cuddling

guitars that gently weep or something like that by 5280ft (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 469 words)

Summary: He wonders what feeling would be like physically. Feeling someone. In specific instances. In circumstances that he can’t generalize, or compartmentalize, or ignore and wait to go away: Apollo wants to feel so badly his hands ache.

5:39 by spaded_ace (Apollo & Steve, general rating, gen | 674 words)

Summary: Musing when you can't sleep, lethargy in the morning

grab hold the darkness we become by headlessline (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 675 words)

Summary: “Are monsters born or created?” Steve, 5up, and vampires.

defining moments by meowcode (5up/Sleepy, Janet/Kimi, teen rating, multi | 704 words, chaptered words)

Summary: working title: heather attempts to write regularly for once in his miserable fucking life

Tantalus by farmersagainstweed (Apollo/Steve, explicit, m/m | 755 words)

Summary: This was, arguably, worse than before. Before tonight he had thought Steve was straight, unobtainable. He hadn't even let him want. But now? Like Tantalus doomed to an eternity with food just out of reach, he could now see all he could ever want. It was so painfully close, he could just feel it on the tips of his fingers. Pinning Apollo gets a night he could only dream of, but it won't last forever.

Cold sheets and menthol by some_spooky_shit_right_there (Apollo/Steve, explicit, m/m | 851 words)

Summary: The sensation is like a brain freeze. It's one which Steve savors. Sometime after the events of things like me and things like you shouldn't mix Steve and Apollo enjoy some alone time.

There's nothing simple when it comes to you and I by BloodSplatter (Apollo/Steve, unrated, m/m | 876 words)

Summary: Steve thinks of how he and Apollo can have something between them, but it doesn't go further than that.

Would like you, to be someone else. by Nifki (Apollo/Steve, general rating, multi | 929 words, chaptered WIP)

Summary: Apollo goes to a Summer camp and dislikes Steve while the readers decide what they'll do.

Love Will Tear Us Apart by AllianettemiE5 (Apollo/Steve, unrated, m/m | 1k words)

Summary: He always has been told not to fall in love with anyone who won’t love you back. That statement also included not giving his heart to his best friend.

Breakeven by Chione_chan (5up/Fundy, teen rating, m/m | 1k words)

Summary: “I think it’s better that we, ya know, move on, see other people…” Fundy says. "I gave you everything and you’re just leaving," 5up wants to say. He also feels the profanities buzzing at the tip of his tongue. It was only recently that he’s felt comfortable cussing freely, less concerned about how others perceived him. He wants to hurl obscenities at Fundy but he knows that he’s better than that. Fundy never did deal well with people yelling at him. It made him easy to manipulate, but not in the way 5up would like. Besides, it’d only make him miserable later knowing that he let his mask slip so far.

what if earth just got tired of spinning? by Anonymous (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1k words)

Summary: apollo and steve in love at the end of the world

taught you the ropes; taught you to love by homeward_bound (5up/David/Hafu, teen rating, multi | 1k words)

Summary: [5:05am: hafu wakes up and opens twitter, and after.]

oil and water by Qupid (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1k words)

Summary: Apollo is a puppet on strings, pulled along by a heart that no longer beats.

Apollo's Letter by AllianettemiE5 (Apollo/Steve, mature, m/m | 1k words)

Summary: A letter you found in the hollow of the wall in the cell of Larkhill.

Élet by Nnoitra (5up/Steve, general rating, m/m | 1k words)

Summary: Steve knows his Soulmate is aware of who he is, the neat first words scrawl is proof enough to him. But who?

Inside Your Head by BoxesWrites (Apollo/Steve, mature, m/m | 1k words, chaptered WIP)

Summary: When Apollo meets Steve in Vegas, something changes. Maybe a lot changes. But the weirdest thing seems to be that Apollo can hear Steve speaking when his mouth isn't moving.

sunrise symphony by sweetlikesugr (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1.2k words)

Summary: As the first rays of the morning sunshine spill into Steve's bedroom, a memory of a melody fills Apollo's mind.

here's the earliest star by headlessline (5up/David/Hafu, teen rating, multi | 1.2k words)

Summary: And, really… 5up can’t help the way he flops into David’s embrace the second they are close enough to touch. He can’t help the way he buries his face in David’s soft flannel, and he definitely can’t help the deep breath he takes in of floral, woody jasmine. “Hi,” 5up whispers.

Home with you my love~ by RK16 (5up/Steve, general rating, m/m | 1.2k words)

Summary: 5up stresses and Steve calms his worries

we belong in the quietest quiet by headlessline (5up/Steve, general rating, m/m | 1.3k words)

Summary: Steve looks at 5up’s back, his burgundy sweater and whorls of dark hair, and imagines standing up and slow-dancing with him to the hum of Chanel. He wants to slow-dance--to step on toes and awkwardly hover his hand above 5up’s flank--and he wants to touch noses in a platonic kiss, and he wants to lay his head on 5up’s chest, and he wants to stay here forever and make loaf after loaf of cinnamon banana bread, and he wants.

we will grow old as friends (time and hearts will wear us thin by Qupid (Apollo/Steve, general rating, m/m | 1.3k words)

Summary: It’s stupid, Apollo knows it’s stupid as he stares across the hotel room, a whole universe between his and Steve’s beds, and watches the rise and fall of Steve’s chest. Steve is fast asleep, softly snoring in the middle of his bed. His limbs are a mess, thrown everywhere, and his mouth is wide open, drooling all over his pillow.

easy to seduce by Anonymous (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1.3k words)

Summary: Where Steve tries to understand his feelings and the universe doesn't let him take a break.

i could do about anything by neptoons (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1.4k words, chaptered WIP)

Summary: a fic about jealousy, uncertainty, and a little courage — where apollo falls for his best friend, and keeps on falling.

Highschool by Paige_crewfu (unrated, gen | 1.6k words, chaptered WIP)

Summary: A collection of Crewfu Oneshots in a highschool AU

The Ghosts of What We Could’ve Had by Anonymous (Apollo/Steve, mature, m/m | 1.7k words)

Summary: It’d been months. Months since Apollo had gotten up the courage to send that first DM. Months since he woke up to a text from his best friend every morning, though it was more recent that he’d started sending them first. Months since he’d given Steve a compliment for the first time, months since he made Steve have a laugh attack for the first time, months since he began to have a reason to live again.

housewarming by 5280ft (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1.8k words)

Summary: The thought makes his chest warm, the urge to touch hold feel rearing up, and Steve isn’t one to deny his instincts. He’s a wild animal of a man, he is. He ignores 5up repeatedly asking to be handed cheese in favor of suddenly grabbing him from behind, snaking his arms tightly around his waist and burying his head in 5up’s mess of curls. 5up startles, settles, and then laughs. “What are you doing?”

you would do that for me? by neptoons (Apollo/Steve, general rating, m/m | 1.8k words)

Summary: apollo expresses his love for steve in silly little ways.

gingerbread houses and candy hearts by Anonymous (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 2k words)

Summary: “No Steve, we don’t fucking put that in first, why the fuck would you do that-” “Shut up! I know how to fucking bake. Just let me do this, and you can do everything else!” “You said that last time, you moron. You’re decorating, I’m making the gingerbread house, you dumbass!” “But Apollo-” “This is why you can’t work with other people. Let me do something, for fuck’s sake.” “But it would taste better if you did it like I did-” “Nope. Not talking to you. Either you can sit and watch me make the house, or you can actually help out without trying to change everything.” Steve slumped, clearly done with arguing. “Whatever. It’s not my fault if it tastes like shit.”

Knight in Pink Armor by Chione_chan (5up/Fundy, teen rating, m/m | 2k words)

Summary: Fundy gets stood up. Luckily, there’s a cute leafling to rescue his evening. Kinda.

cafés and clichés by waywiser (5up/Fundy, teen rating, m/m | 2k words, chaptered WIP)

Summary: Fundy scoffs. Surely, this guy with the stupid fuzzy sweater and piercing eyes has come in here specifically to irritate him. He hasn’t even ordered coffee for heaven’s sake. Tea! He wants fucking tea, even though it’s almost one o’clock in the morning.

whole world in his hands by Anonymous (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 2.1k words)

Summary: “Hey Apollo, I think the worst thing about America is that they allow racists to live. How about you?” Apollo grinded his teeth together, glaring at Steve. “And how, Steve, does this relate to America’s shit economical status? The thing we’re supposed to make a presentation on?” Steve gave Apollo an awfully pretty grin, leaning onto the desk. “Dunno. I’m sure you can work something out. I just think the fact that racists exist is worse than America’s economic status.”

little mysteries by neptoons (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 2.1k words)

Summary: apollo has a secret, and steve won’t rest until he finds out what it is.

Free Bird by AllianettemiE5 (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 2.1k words, chaptered WIP)

Summary: Apollo found himself in need of a new place to live. The opportunity to leave Texas was in front of him, and he chose to follow it. Or, how Apollo discovered his feelings, defined himself, and freed his life from people it was pressured by.

what you fantasize about by homeward_bound (Apollo/Steve, explicit, m/m | 2.1k words)

Summary: [steve has a wet dream about apollo, gets the ride of his life, is sort of jebaited, and realizes he has a humiliation kink, in that order.]

Wolfboy by Anonymous (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 2.2k words, chaptered WIP)

Summary: Apollo upgrades to an e-boy by acquiring wolf ears.

picturing me and you (together) by liquorleftovers (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 2.7k words, chaptered WIP)

Summary: Steve wakes up incredibly hungover after Hafu's birthday party and finds a picture on his phone of him and Dumbdog kissing. He is left very confused, about a lot of things.

Heat waves by BloodSplatter (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 3.1k words)

Summary: Apollo doesn’t feel well. So he decided to take a week or few off streaming and focus on himself. Week turns into a month, and he doesn't even notice how time flies. Getting out of the burnout is the hardest part, but he's sure that it's possible. Especially when he finds out that his friends were worried about him.

At the end of the world with you by RK16 (5up/Steve, teen rating, gen | 3.2k words)

Summary: 5up finds himself in the middle of a apocalypse then proceeds to find and promptly lose his family.

Inner Workings of Life by amethystvxidwalker (5up/Poki, Apollo/Steve, teen rating, multi | 3.4k words, chaptered WIP)

Summary: Tales and drabbles of friends and more <3

trusting fears by 5fu (Hafu & 5up, general rating, gen | 3.6k words, chaptered WIP)

Summary: If you asked Hafu, soulmates were worthless. It was something she learned early on, as soon as she had gotten the words on her left arm. Words that have haunted her for years. But that didn't matter. She had no need for any of those silly notions of being "complete." What she needed was to get on with her job aboard the Morn as Second in Command. She was set to, along with her Captain and the rest of the crew, welcome the people of the Fable. They claim to have important information urgently needing to be shared but something's off about them. Hafu just couldn't put her finger on it. Especially their Second, an arrogant pink man. Something feels... wrong.

like a wolf howling at the moon by Anonymous (Apollo/Steve, explicit, m/m | 3.6k words, chaptered)

Summary: steve comes to the conclusion that apollo is in love with him. and so, steve decides to do what he does best: completely fuck with apollo's peace of mind. but apollo knows how to play games, and most importantly, he knows how to win them.

Sometimes it is like that by Anonymous (Apollo/Steve, explicit, m/m | 3.7k works, chaptered WIP)

Summary: Just another party at Hafu's and just another night together in their hotel room. But today Dumbdog was especially flirty while drunk. But why should Steve complain.

the lull of your lips by sweetlikesugr (Apollo/Steve, explicit, m/m | 3.7k words)

Summary: “Welcome to Sugar Pine Hotline, where you can find everything your body craves, and then some more. All you’ve got to do is not be afraid to ask, lover boy.” “Uh, is the guy with the extremely soothing voice working tonight?” “I’m sorry sir, you’re going to have to be a bit more specific.” “Ehm, I believe he said he goes by a Rat Boy sometimes? Is that helpful?” “Redirecting you now…”

we lay here for years or for hours (so long we become the flowers) by Qupid (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 3.7k words)

Summary: Steve's words fall from his lips in the form of petals, waiting for him to whisper I love you to the person that holds his heart. Apollo is trapped in a magic slumber and Steve's words would only fall on deaf ears.

Blood and Dogwood Flowers by DeadlyHuggles (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 3.8k words)

Summary: Steve laughed softly at Dumbdog's antics, but the laughter swiftly turned into something much worse. That ever present scratch in his throat grew as he began to cough. He couldn’t stop coughing. His throat hurt so badly, like thorns were digging into them. He felt like something sharp was trying to climb up his throat. He hacked and hacked until at last he hacked up the thing in his mouth into his hands. And then everything stopped. The scratch in his throat was still there, but it was much less severe, merely a tickle than an actual scratch now, and delicately in his palms sat a four petaled, light pink flower with a light green center. Steve felt a bolt of horror go through him as he stared down at the innocent little flower. Hanahaki was a decently rare disease, but often cases of hanahaki were broadcasted and romanticized. There were very few people alive who didn’t know what coughing up flowers meant.

I'll surround you (make you feel sure) by LovelyDayForIt (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 4.4k words)

Summary: The events preceding, during, and subsequent to the Vegas meetup. Follow Steve and Dumbdog through a tale of adoration, panic. Secrets only lead to more secrets, and they can eat up a person inside and out.

My Kinda Love by rosesinwinter (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 5.8k words, chaptered WIP)

Summary: 5up as the shy bartender with a pretty voice. Steve as the sarcastic and oblivious runner-from-his-past. Hafu as the meddling best friend. The rest is history.

out of nothing, into more (see the day) by 5280ft (5up/Apollo/Steve, teen rating, multi | 5.8k words, chaptered WIP)

Summary: dive out of nothing and into more but i can’t quite tell what i’m hoping for somehow, maybe now, i’ll find the words to say: never thought i’d see the day see the day, the altogether

soften the light that hurts my eyes by homeward_bound (5up/David/Hafu, mature, multi | 8.8k words)

Summary: [hafu has a rough day, 5up has a rough night, david holds them together, and the morning sun casts a gentle warmth over all of them.]

cupid's compendium of extraordinary words by Qupid (5up/Ellum, 5up/Sleepy, 5up/Steve, Apollo/Gumi, Apollo/Steve, Br00d/DK, Koji/Steve, teen rating, multi | 9k words, chaptered WIP)

Summary: a series of brief accounts of the word of the day in the only way I know how to express it

lexicon of a simple worm by thebetterwormy (5up/Apollo, 5up/Ellum, 5up/Fundy, Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 10.3k words, chaptered WIP)

Summary: a series of little fics based on the word of the day :)

I haven't told you anything yet by some_spooky_shit_right_there (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 11.6k words, chaptered)

Summary: Apollo has always been a great pilot. He never felt more at home than when within the cockpit of his Jaeger. But now, he's been stationed at the Houston base, tiny and empty. His Jaeger comes with him but he doesn't have a copilot anymore. If he's being honest with himself, he isn't really a pilot anymore either.

anthology by sweetlikesugr (5up/Ellum, 5up/Sleepy, 5up/Steve, Apollo/Steve, Koji/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 12k words, chaptered WIP)

Summary: anthology [ an-thol-uh-jee ] noun, plural an·thol·o·gies. a collection of selected writings by one author.~ or lav attempts to write a short ficlet based around the word of the day, hopefully every day.

Under the Rose by Hinician (5up/Fundy, unrated, m/m | 14.4k words, chaptered WIP)

Summary: 5up, a plant-hybrid witch, encounters an injured Dreamon Hunter lying in his woods. After rehabilitating the Hunter and convincing him that he’s not a Dreamon, 5up thought he’d never see the fox man again. This is in fact not the case.

we should just kiss like real people do by Qupid (Apollo/Steve, mature, m/m | 14.6k words, chaptered)

Summary: Apollo spends his nights walking other people's dreams, but then he moves to LA to live with his good old pal Steve. Suddenly, he is walking Steve's dreams every night, a tourist of his subconscious, and Apollo can't decide if it's the best or the worst thing to ever happen.

The Kind That's Never Done by some_spooky_shit_right_there (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 15k words, chaptered)

Summary: Apollo is fucked. In general, Apollo doesn't really believe in love the way most people talk about it. To Apollo, love isn't some big thing, there's no grand romance that the universe has destined, that's just not how it works. What love is, is having someone that you're happy to be around. When the good parts about someone outweigh the bad parts, when you're content to be around them, that's what love is. And Apollo has lost count of all the good things about Steven Suptic.

loving you is so easy (and I never want to stop) by thebetterwormy (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 17.3k words, chaptered)

Summary: “I didn’t know we had a third roommate,” Steve says, turning the stuffed animal to face him. “Does this mean we can split rent three ways?” (Apollo brings his childhood stuffed dog to his new apartment with Steve. It causes a few... changes.)

Things Like Me And Things Like You Shouldn't Mix by some_spooky_shit_right_there (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, multi | 62.3k words, chaptered)

Summary: Steve startles, just slightly, when he sees the man in his kitchen. And, it's not like Steve checked out the place before signing the lease, because it was cheap and he needed somewhere to stay, so he didn't know if he would have any roommates, but if it's just one, he can deal with it. The guy's about Steve's age, and just as tall, too. Maybe even a touch taller then Steve, but who's keeping track. He looks perfectly normal, which is honestly the most startling thing. His skin is unblemished, and his clothes, while definitely a bit old fashioned, are spotless. His slightly reddish hair is a touch unkempt, but overall he looks like a perfectly normal dude. He doesn't look up when Steve walks in, and he suspects that the guy hasn't even registered that he's there. He's just sitting in one of these creaky old wooden chairs that came with the place. He's looking across the built in table, (and Steve takes a moment to admire it, because he's always found built-ins to add so much character to a house) and he stares blankly at a spot on the opposite wall. Steve decides he should probably just get this out of the way, and moves to address the ghost that's sitting in his new kitchen.

Also!!

spaded_ace’s sex and vienna collection.

5280ft’s modern metamorphoses: a greek collection and world's worst roommates and co. collection.

Nnoitra’s What happened In Vegas collection.

FAQ:

Wait what is this: pretty straight to the point! i’ll regularly share crewfu-related fanfictions to this blog :)

How regularly is “regularly”?: great question! LOL. it depends on the flow of fanfics that get uploaded, which i do not have any control over, but i’m looking forward to do this twice a month. after all, it’s only me doing this and i often run on a tight schedule.

What’s the format like?:

[title of fic with link] by [author of the fic with link] ([main pairing(s)], [fic rating: eg, general rating], [relationship: eg, m/m] | [word count in k], [added prompt to specify if it’s complete or not])

Summary: [summary provided by the author. if it doesn’t have a summary, a “No summary” prompt will be put instead]

(What does WIP mean again?): Work In Progress :)

Why are you doing this?: from the beginning, my blog has hosted conversations about RPF (real people fiction) and crewfu pairings. this has evolved into people sending me updates about certain fics in the crewfu tags every now and then, but i wanna take the next step and just do these things myself. after all, i’m already lurking in the tags often to see the fics that get posted. as someone who is both a writer and a reader, i wanna appreciate fanfic writers and help out other people that want to read fanfic and consume more fandom content!

Will it be AO3 only?: well, ao3 has a very helpful tag system that makes finding fics incredibly easy, as well as allowing people with no accounts to like and comment on fics, so that’s the site i will personally look in for fanworks. but if there are any fics you’ve written or liked in any other platforms, such as wattpad, you can always contact me through my inbox (send an ask or a dm!), and i’ll make sure to include for the next fanfic spotlight :)

Does it mean you won’t reply to fic asks anymore?: yeah, i guess. since i’ll be doing the searching myself it seems counterproductive. but if i ever skip a fic or again, it’s in another platform, or you’ve posted/read the fic a while ago and you want to get more traction on it, hit me up and i’ll take it into consideration!

Will you read every single one of the fics on your list?: oh no. again, i run on a tight schedule, and also i have my own taste when it comes to fics. i won’t be reviewing fics or any of the sort, and my intention extends to simply sharing these fics to this page so people will have easier access to them :) that’s where ao3 tagging becomes SUPER useful!!!

So what’s the criteria for the way you’ll sort out the fics in your list?: word count, going from lowest to highest. in case of fics in other platforms, i guess i’ll put them at the top of the list. i’ll also be looking for fairly recent fics, so let me know if you want any old-ish fic to be included.

I see you talking mostly about 5up/Steve and Steve/Apollo. Can I still send/see other crewfu fics?: why yes absolutely! my goal is to push every fic which heavily features regular crewfu characters - 5uptic and supdog just happen to be very popular pairings. so, to give you a list: core 4 (5up, hafu, dk, steve), apollo, aipha, annie, janet, kimi, ellum, koji… you know the drill. it doesn’t have to be centered on a relationship, or about 5up in specific, etc. my only requirement is that any of the previously mentioned members are a central part of the fic or are HEAVILY featured in it (sorry, minecraft fics with 50+ tags who only mention 5up as an afterthought won’t make the cut :/).

Isn’t shipping Bad™?: well, it’s a little more nuanced than that. i will go out of my way to discourage and shame people who often violate CCs’ boundaries by acting like so and so has a crush on this person, or that this and that are Actually Into Each Other or secretly dating. any sort of tinhat bullshit is a big nono (think larries). but i run on the assumption that people who write rpf understand that what they’re doing is simply write a completely fictional story using real life personalities, and understand the boundaries necessary to do it - aka they’re not tinhats, they understand they can’t assume everything about CCs’ thoughts and personalities, they understand that what they’re writing is strictly fiction, they keep these works only in fandom circles, etc. (but again, it’s only one me doing this, so please be kind if i don’t happen to know that this person is Actually a tinhat or whatever).

show fic: NO. (seriously. i don’t feel comfortable putting my ao3 account out there. please respect my privacy on these trying times <3)

I REALLY don’t care about your rpf/fic talk: fair! i’ll be tagging every single one of these posts as “fanfic spotlight”, so just mute the tag using tumblr settings so you’ll never have to look at these! likewise, you can follow the tag if you want to keep up with it, or search it on my blog to look at the other entries you might have missed.

Hey, my fic is here and I don’t feel comfortable with it being shared over here: no problem! let me know as soon as you can and i’ll take it down <3